GGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! Days 10-13

I've been a slack bitch these last couple days. Right now I'm downing the last two little squares of a Hershey bar and a Lean Pockets breakfast... pocket, even thought its 10:42 at night. Fuck it, I'm pissed off and the chocolate makes me feel better, i'm hungry, and the lil diet thing ain't doin anything anyway. I'm still drinking the grapefruit juice, still eating baked, grilled, blackened, broiled, etc. instead of fried. I won't even begin to try & remember what I ate over the days I wasn't writing. But I stuck to the no eating after 10 rule (with the exception of tonight).

I'm somewhat sick of this already and really wanna just say fuck it and be content to be a fat girl the rest of my life. I mean, is it really that bad? I've been a fat girl 23 years, so why stop now? Ugh.

Shortcuts, Cheats, Whatever you wanna call them (and Day Nine)

This dieting stuff is for the birds. (And I guess I haven't technically dieted since I've still been basically eating like normal, with the exception of not having sweets and cutting back on the fried food). I'm ready to try pills, smoothie/drink meal supplements, weight loss patches, ANYTHING!

I'm really curious about those Slim Shots (lil things that look like individual cups of cream for coffee). It supposedly suppresses cravings so you eat less. I could really use those, assuming they work. And since it ain't much to drink, it shouldn't be too hard to swallow.

I also wanna try Slim Quick (the stuff that's supposed to be specifically for women). I gotta look at the price on that stuff.

The one thing that I've been wanting to try for a while is Alli, but I can't see myself coughing up almost $50 for something I'm not sure works...



I did okay on my diet today, I guess. Skipped breakfast (okay, that was bad). Turkey sandwich for lunch, breakfast (bacon, egg, cream of wheat, croissant) for dinner.

Day Eight & The Health Coach Caller

Day Eight: Drank the juice. It's really starting to mess with my stomach. No bueno. So I guess I gotta only drink it when I'm gonna be at home... Dunno. Anyway, ate more fried food today. And starches. I suck at this diet thing, but right now my cravings are like off the wall.

Apparently everyone is having success with this crap but me. Mondays are my weigh in days, and the scale has not changed at all. At least I haven't gained, but maintaining is not the name of the game right now.

Today I got a call from my "personal health coach." :-/ In order to get the covered wellness visit from my insurance, i gotta do a health assessment type thing. Did that, and then today I get a call from some guy advising that he was calling to help motivate me to get healthy! I was not as enthused as he was. But I told him that I do plan on losing weight and hopefully by this time next year I'll be down to 195. (Really I don't care about the pounds, but it would be awesome if I could get down to a size 12)

Day Five, Six, and Seven

Day Five & Six: I was out of grapefruit juice, so I was kinda just like eff it and ate like I wanted to. I know I'm a bad girl, but dang it, I needed that chick-fil-a! I said I was gonna get a salad (and momma's looked so so good) but of course I ended up with the sandwich (fried), with fries and a coke. Bad girl. But that night I tried to make up for it with some baked tilapia. Dunno how much it helped, but hey.... Saturday I ate a burger from Logans. More fries. But at least my buger was grilled, and surprisingly it didn't have bacon. So yay me. That evening I just had a plain turkey sandwich. Not too bad, right? Those two days I was kinda like whatever with the whole diet cuz although the others that are in this with me are reporting progress, I have nothing to say. At least I haven't gained anything, but the scale hasn't budged from 261 and my clothes are still fitting the same so.... wtf?! I was kinda depressed and didn't want to even think about the fact that I shouldn't have been eating that stuff.

Day Seven (today): Cereal for breakfast. Today's dinner didn't go as planned. Went to a program and was served baked chicken, some kinda potatoes, string beans and a roll. It was all pretty bland so I didn't eat it. But they also had this pecan pie... Now, pecan pie is one of my weaknesses, and my pecan pie is seriously off the chain. But THIS pecan pie?! *faint* Sooo good. I ate a piece & a half. Then went to Sal & Mookie's & had two & a half slices of pizza & three drinks. Very very bad girl!! Tomorrow I'll get back on track. And tonight, I drink the BIG glass of grapefruit juice.

"The Elegance of the Modest Woman"

I found this little article while perusing the internet randomly and thought I'd share. While I'm not Muslim and may not agree 100% with the author's sentiments, he does make some valid points. (See those I agree with in blue).

http://www.themuslimwoman.com/herrole/elegancemodestwoman.htm

Toronto Star - Jan. 23, 2002

While out for dinner last week with colleagues, we sat beside three 20-something women. There was the usual posing and glances exchange, and as they paid their bill two Muslim women entered and sat nearby. Whispers were quickly exchanged and we could hear, "Why do they wear those things anyway?" ... "I feel sorry for them" ... and so on.

As they filed out of the restaurant, we noticed they sported a mixed collection of the following: skin tight pants, short skirts, exposed midriffs, push-up bras, high heels, jewelry, see-through or plunging tops, piercings, lipstick and makeup, and one had breast implants for certain. We observed the two Muslim women as they were engaged in close conversation over coffee.

Their graceful features complimented their dark headscarves and warm eyes. Their natural gestures were flirty without even trying - revealing natural beauty. And their clothes, while conservative, brought forth the hidden potential of something wonderful and truly feminine.

The idea of dressing modestly terrifies some western women - but why? Perhaps it would trample their "right" to show off. Would their self-esteem fall along with their hemlines?

After some debates, we identified the cost of the western "right" to flaunt. The Muslim women were free from the fashion trap -free to "just be" without posing, comparing, dieting and spending for the approval of men and each other. And they looked more desirable to us than the exhibitionists who were in the restaurant and parading on the sidewalk.

The sexual displays in our culture are so mainstream and competitive that modesty is seen as regressive. Yet, long term, when a man looks past the right pants and heels, he will ultimately detect not confidence, but a certain unattractive desperation.

Modest women don't have that desperation - they don't compete in the arena of vanity. They have themselves - and that's the kind of attraction with legs to last the long run. Remember that the next time you feel sorry for a Muslim woman.

R. Stevenson

North York

I Think I've Got My Answer... And More Questions

A few weeks ago I posed the question, "Are Black women not considered elegant?" I asked this because there was so little out there about sophisticated, elegant Black women. But the more I search for information and inspiration for this blog, the more I start to think that maybe it isn't just a matter of Black women being overlooked.

Consider this: A search for "elegant women" brings up a myriad of shopping sites, from home interiors, to books, to clothing and lingerie, along with the previously mentioned sites. "Elegant black women" brings up mostly women's clothing. "Elegant African American women" brings up, oddly, a high number of sites selling figurines.

(Off topic, I came across a site that had a cute little figurine of a woman in blue & white. It also had the same figurine available in red & white and pink & green. Although the site made no mention of BGLOs with these figurines, I thought it amusing that the figurine in blue & white was dark skinned while the other two were light skinned. Interesting indeed lol)

So maybe the issue isn't that Black women aren't considered elegant. Maybe it's that there isn't much emphasis placed on elegance for the whole of womanhood. If this is the case, then is there any point of striving for elegance? And if elegance is the standard to which one should try to hold themselves to, whose responsibility is it to take the lead on that? Do everyday women like you and me decide to pursue elegance and hope that it becomes mainstream, or do we wait and take our cue from the media, celebrities, etc.? Hopefully those who are striving for sophistication know that following fads isn't what makes you elegant, but rather the ability to do your own thing and make others want to follow you.

Days Three & Four

Bleh... There's nothing more to say.




Okay, I guess there is some more to say. I am working on portion control, and it is definitely taking some getting used to. I'm eating a fraction of what I'm accustomed to and it seems like I'm never actually full. Limited fried food (I had to get some chicken-minis from chick-fil-a this morning tho), limited carbs, no sweets so far. But I did run out of grapefruit juice LOL I guess poor planning... Anyway, I still have some fruit and although I hate dealing with grapefruit, I'll do what I gotta do.

Still no exercise yet. I'm slacking. My thing is, I don't have the time/money for a gym. My room is cramped due to oversized furniture LOL so I don't have room for much (although I guess I could do crunches, squats & donkey kicks in this little space). And I don't want to do anything in the living room because my folks stay in that room until they go to bed, and by then I'm too lazy to do anything. I could walk around the Capitol on my lunch break, but I hate getting all sweaty and then coming back in to sit down in an office. After that, I'm gonna want to take a shower and a nap, in that order. But I know that some sacrifices have to be made, and I need to make them soon.

Michelle O's Inaugural Fashion

Okay, I know I've been slipping, and I will definitely do better. But it's late, and I just wanted to post First Lady Michelle Obama's looks from today that I love.

Unfortunately, I am not a big fan of her ball gown. Love the fabric, but not so much the design. Something about that strap seems off to me...

But I do love love LOVE this picture. It's just so sweet...

Day Two

I took a full body pic this morning (the first in a loooong time) to be my before picture. I am so so embarrassed about this picture, but if it helps motivate me to do better, I guess I gotta post it.

I hate this picture! There are obvious reasons: lack of makeup; that "I just woke up, it's too early but imma fake a smile" expression; the odd stance (wth is my right leg doing?!). But more than that is the fact that I actually look a lot larger than I even thought I did. I am especially thru at the double chin. Usually I take pix at an angle (like the profile pic, which is actually pretty recent) so you can't really see it. I guess I've done it so much that I convinced myself that it wasn't that bad, but looking at it straight on... Damn! The tire in the middle... Well there was no denying that. I've known that was there, and even though I failed to admit that it was getting bigger and bigger, I knew I needed to get rid of it.
My current measurements are 54-45-52. Not great.

I've been doing pretty well with the grapefruit juice (yay me!) and avoiding sweets, but then again, this is only day two. I did have fried food today though, and carbs. I got some fried catfish and fries as a celebration lunch after watching the Inauguration. :) But of course that Lean Cuisine is going to be eaten tomorrow, because I cannot afford to do any more damage for the week. Had a delicious salad from McDonald's of all places. The grilled chicken was yummy! And surprisingly, the light ranch wasn't nasty. Kudos, McD's. Sucked down one bottle of water, gotta see if I can get another down before bed. If nothing else, maybe I'll piss away the fat. LOL Vulgar I know! Sowwie :)

Day One

So I said eff it and decided that I would put my weight out there. I figured maybe I could embarrass myself into losing weight, and (potentially) having the whole world know how much of a fat ass I am would rank pretty high on my embarrassment scale.

So, here goes...

I weighed in at.... 261 lb. Twenty pounds heavier than at my last doctor visit in March. A full 100 lbs heavier than my boyfriend's heaviest ex (or at least from what he's told me). According to commonly accepted height & weight charts, I am obese (I'm 5'7").

Yes, I am a little porker. On the up side, most people that have ventured to guess my weight hit the 200-230 area, so I guess I "wear the weight well," as my mom puts it. Of course, she just may be trying to protect my feelings. And in this instance, I'm inclined to let her.

I've been drinking the grapefruit juice religiously, but today I wasn't able to drink it before lunch since we went out of town at the spur of the moment. But as soon as I got home I drank a full glass and ate half a grapefruit. Dunno if it works retroactively or not, but I figure it couldn't hurt.

The thing that is really gonna kill me is trying to give up carbs. I practically LIVE off of bread, pasta, potatoes and rice. Giving that up is not going to be fun at all. And I'm not even fooling myself like I'll be able to give it up completely cuz I know that's a lie. But I do need to reduce how much I consume. And I do feel really good about the fact that I haven't been inhaling the peanut butter chocolate chunk cookies I bought last Saturday. Usually a pack of cookies doesn't last a full week, and this one is on week two. Yay me!

Okay, I need to cut this off because it is 10:41 pm and I am getting hungry again, so I guess I need to just get some water and go to bed. Til tomorrow!

Almost Time

Tomorrow, the "diet" officially begins. (BTW, I hate the word diet because it seems so restrictive to me.) I've already started on the grapefruit juice, and it's actually not as bad as I thought it would be. I've had alcohol that was worse, so downing that should be no problem.

This weekend I straight up pigged out. I wonder how long it will be before all of that food is translated into extra pounds?

I got my scale yesterday too. I knew I'd gained some weight since the last time I'd weighed myself. Actually the last time I didn't weigh myself; it was the doctor at my annual visit. I've gained 20 pounds since last March. No Bueno. So it would be nice if I could just lose that by Valentine's, although I'm not holding my breath about it.

Here's hoping that some progress is made! *raises glass.... of water.*

The Why

Of course I have various reasons for deciding to lose weight. I mean seriously, I've been a fat girl all my life, and although I've said I would lose weight before (and actually did for a while) I didn't have the motivation to do anything about it. But now I have several reasons why I need to do this.

• The clothes. Yes this is vain, but so? From what I have seen 1) smaller clothes are generally cuter than plus size clothing, and 2) smaller clothes are not as expensive and go on sale, while the 1 or 2 larger sizes a store may order will sell the very first day. And I figure, as cute as I am, I deserve to have a freakin wardrobe that reflects that!
• I'm going to tha boo's graduation in May. This will be my first time meeting the folks, and I really just don't want to be the porkiest chick he's brought home. I know they joke with him about liking big girls, but I know if I heard it I'd be pissed and take it personal. So, best solution: drop some weight.
• If daddy points out how fat I am one more time, I will go to jail for attempted murder. (Trust, there's more to that relationship than that, but its gonna be the straw that broke the camel's back!)
• My health. I guess that shoulda been first huh? LOL But seriously, I know I could stand to be a little healthier. Even though every time I go to the doctor, my blood sugar, cholesterol and blood pressure are all in check, I don't know what effect these extra pounds may have on me later on. So I think I should take care of that while I'm still young and can kinda get a handle on the thing.

Hopefully by May I'll be a little slimmer. NOT SKINNY. I think I would look absolutely horrible if I got skinny. I just want to be thick w/ a nice hourglass shape (I know it's under there somewhere, past that stubborn little belly fat). If I keep my reasons in mind, maybe I'll be able to really do it this time.

New recipe for me to try

While I was looking for the link that was supposed to have the info on the grapefruit, why its so good for you, yadda yadda yadda, I came across this recipe for pineapple and soy-glazed salmon. It looks pretty easy and really good. Since I'm a huge salmon fan I will be trying this one really soon & letting you know how it goes!

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/food/healthy-eating-pineapple-and-soy-glazed-salmon-350456/

Ingredients:

1 1/4 cups pineapple juice
2 tablespoons low-sodium soy sauce
1/4 cup dry sherry
1 teaspoon light brown sugar
2 tablespoons miso
4 (6-ounce) skinless salmon fillets
1/4 teaspoon(s) fresh-ground black pepper

Directions:
1. Marinate the salmon: In a medium saucepan over high heat, cook the pineapple juice, soy sauce, and sherry for 20 minutes. Stir in the brown sugar and cook for 5 more minutes. Using a whisk, stir in miso. Remove from heat and allow the mixture to cool. Season the salmon fillets with the pepper and place them in a shallow baking dish. Pour the pineapple glaze over the salmon fillets, turning to coat each side, and chill for 30 minutes. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.

2. Roast the fillets: Place the salmon on the top shelf of the oven and cook until the flesh turns opaque -- about 7 minutes. Change the oven temperature setting to broil and cook until the glaze begins to brown -- 2 to 3 minutes. Serve immediately.

Fat, Black, and Bootyless

Yes, you read that right folks. I'm an anomaly. I am a big girl and a black girl, but I have no booty. Something must be done about this!

Okay, the real reason I am starting this blog is because some Sorors and friends have decided that we are going to lose weight, shape up, and get healthy. This is great since I said I need to shed a few pounds. I've already started changing some of my eating habits, and I think this motivation along with some kind of workout is just what I need.

These are the changes I have made & need to make:

• less fried food
• cut down the sweets (that's my weakness!)
• eat more fruits & veggies (yuck)
• work on my portion control
• drinking more water and green tea

What we are trying is not the grapefruit diet, but it does involve plenty of grapefruit. You eat half a grapefruit (or drink 8 oz of grapefruit juice) before every meal. Apparently there's something in the fruit that helps burn fat. Dunno exactly what it is, but I do have the link that is supposed to have that info. I'll be back later to post that, plus my friends' tips and whatnot.

Oh yeah, I am so serious about the "less gut more butt" part. I've gotta find a workout that helps me lose my lil pudge in the front and get a lil donk in the back. I'm cool with being voluptuous, but I could manage being thick and just as sexy... lol

Fat, Black, and Bootyless

Yes, you read that right folks. I'm an anomaly. I am a big girl and a black girl, but I have no booty. Something must be done about this!

Okay, the real reason I am starting this blog is because some Sorors and friends have decided that we are going to lose weight, shape up, and get healthy. This is great since I said I need to shed a few pounds. I've already started changing some of my eating habits, and I think this motivation along with some kind of workout is just what I need.

These are the changes I have made & need to make:

• less fried food
• cut down the sweets (that's my weakness!)
• eat more fruits & veggies (yuck)
• work on my portion control
• drinking more water and green tea

What we are trying is not the grapefruit diet, but it does involve plenty of grapefruit. You eat half a grapefruit (or drink 8 oz of grapefruit juice) before every meal. Apparently there's something in the fruit that helps burn fat. Dunno exactly what it is, but I do have the link that is supposed to have that info. I'll be back later to post that, plus my friends' tips and whatnot.

Oh yeah, I am so serious about the "less gut more butt" part. I've gotta find a workout that helps me lose my lil pudge in the front and get a lil donk in the back. I'm cool with being voluptuous, but I could manage being thick and just as sexy... lol

The Elegant Black Woman's Latest Heroine

Although I am still looking into (and slightly disheartened by) the lack of black representation when it comes to what we view and put out as elegance, I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge the most recent black woman to step out on the scene and show America and the world that yes, the elegant black woman does exist.



I know you know where I'm going with this.

Michelle Obama.



And although what I'm saying may have been said before, I still feel the need to give her the props she deserves. I am happy to have Michelle O on the national scene because she brings a side of black women to the forefront that is rarely seen. She is a strong, yet graceful, woman. who exemplifies everything that I aspire to be: intelligent & successful in her career, a supportive wife and mother, bold enough to speak her mind but wise enough to do so tactfully. There is a laundry list of things I could say about why I admire this woman.

But one thing that I don't see her getting much credit for that I sincerely respect is the fact that she has exemplified elegance at every point that I have seen her, regardless of how she was dressed or what she was doing. Not only that,she has achieved her own brand of elegance, not tried to become something or someone that she is not. Although not what many would consider a traditional beauty, she has not resorted to tactics like dying her hair or extreme dieting to shed her "black physique" and conform to Eurocentric standards of beauty or elegance. She is refined and classy, and I am honored to call a woman like that my First Lady. Add to it that she (figuratively) looks like me and not only am I honored, I'm proud.

Quote of the Week

Elegance is refusal. -Coco Chanel

I wish I had something, anything, to elaborate on this. But since I don't, I guess that's up for my personal interpretation. To me, this quote is basically saying that in order to be elegant, we have to deny some habits and urges that seem to come natural to us. For example, no matter how much I may want to go off on someone when I feel they are out of line, I have to refuse to lower myself to that. Instead, I'd choose to handle the situation calmly and very ladylike. (I suppose; I'm still trying to figure this all out myself so...) Or, elegance is giving just a little extra time and attention to your appearance even when you're just running out in jeans and a t-shirt. Elegance is basically denying the laziness that sometimes prevents us (okay, me) from taking extra steps to stand out with our best foot forward.

I must work on my refusal...

My Elegance

I am a very list-oriented person. I have made lists of the lists I need to make (sad, I know. I wish I was joking!) So, true to fashion, I've made a list of the five factors I feel make a woman elegant. Of course this isn't concrete and everyone's opinion may differ, but I feel like these are the things that I want to polish to be a little more refined, even if only to myself.

• Having a graceful demeanor under pressure.
• Being pulled together & classy even when casual
• Eloquence of speech
• Poise & gracefulness
• The ability to mix and mingle in any setting (formal, professional, relaxed, etc.) without sticking out like a sore thumb or simply blending in with the crowd, but rather, standing out as an individual without actually calling attention to yourself.

Any other thoughts/suggestions as to what makes one elegant?

Oh, one more thing. Elegance is viewed as a feminine trait, so I am trying to determine the male equivelant. Sophistication? Suaveness? Urbanity? Hmmmm. I feel like I should know this. Next time, I will have my answer! lol

Are Black Women Not Considered Elegant?

In preparation for this blog, and in order to gather information and ideas, I peruse the internet looking for anything I can find on elegance, elegant women, sophisticated women, etc. I've done several searches on Google, Yahoo, MSN, etc, looking for lists or descriptions of elegant women. These are some of my findings:



Hello Magazine's Most Elegant List (2008)

http://www.popcrunch.com/hello-magazine-most-elegant-women-list-2008-madonna-hello-magazine-most-elegant-woman/

1. Madonna
2. Christina Aguilera
3. Sarah Michelle Gellar
4. Princess Mary
5. Nicole Kidman
6. Queen Rania
7. Liv Tyler
8. Princess Mathilde
9. Natalie Imbruglia
10. Marie Chantal of Greece
11. Lady Gabriella Windsor
12. Countess of Wessex (ANI)



Top Ten Elegant Women in Movies

http://listverse.com/people/top-10-elegant-women-in-movies/

10. Eva Gabor 1919 - 1995
9. Lauren Bacall 1924
8. Lucy Liu 1968
7. Elizabeth Taylor 1932
6. Ava Gardner 1922 - 1990
5. Ingrid Bergman 1915 - 1982
4. Cate Blanchett 1969
3. Grace Kelly 1929 - 1982
2. Catherine Deneuve 1943
1. Audrey Hepburn 1929 - 1993

Most Elegant Women Ever (2008)
http://in.news.yahoo.com/139/20080808/906/ten-princess-di-named-the-most-elegant-w.html
1. Princess Diana
2. Sophia Loren
3. Grace Kelly
4. Audrey Hepburn
5. Marilyn Monroe
6. Catherine Zeta Jones
7. Ava Gardner
8. Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis
9. Greta Garbo
10. Carla Bruni (ANI)

Vogue's List (2007)
http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/beauty/article2806755.ece
Dame Helen Mirren; Claudia Schiffer; Jemima Khan; Sophie Dahl; Natalie Massenet; Isabella Anstruther-Gough-Calthorpe; Sadie Coles; Vanessa Redgrave; Rosamund Pike; Poppy and Chloe Delevingne; Zadie Smith; Zaha Hadid; Lady Isabella Cawdor; Daisy Lowe; Susanna Chancellor; Coco Rocha; Rebekah Wade; Tamara Mellon; Stella Tennant; the Dowager Duchess of Devonshire; Daphne Guinness; Natalia Vodianova; Sam Taylor-Wood; Mary Charteris; Luella Bartley; Charlotte Rampling; Plum Sykes; Lady Antonia Fraser; Naomi Campbell; Stella McCartney; Polly Samson; Ruth Rogers; Princess Rosario Saxe-Coburg; Dame Vivien Duffield; Gael Boglione; Phoebe Philo; Olivia Wilde; Lily Donaldson; Susanne Kapoor; Charlotte Stockdale; Sabrina Guinness; Lady Helen Taylor; Jasmine Guinness; Sheherazade Goldsmith; Honor Fraser; Charlotte Casiraghi; Andrea and Alice Dellal; Marina Palma; Kate Moss; Sally Albemarle; Lady Amanda Harlech; the Queen; Alice Temperley; Caroline Michel; Sophia Hesketh

This is the tip of the iceberg. And while the purpose of this blog is not to denigrate anything that any of these women have accomplished nor to argue their elegance, one has to wonder why these lists are so devoid of color? Could this be just an oversight on the part of the list makers? Or is it that African American women are not generally perceived to be as sophisticated, elegant or polished as some of our Caucasian counterparts?

More on this as I continue my research...

"It's All In Your Head"

Happy New Year everyone! I hope that 2009 meets you (and me!) with many blessings, great fortune, and endless happiness. Since I have been a little busy (and honestly, a little lazy) lately I haven't done much writing or brainstorming for new posts. However, in re-reading the book that prompted this blog, I came across this that I found interesting and think ties in to the purpose of this blog beautifully.

Elegance is, above all else, a state of mind. It has everything to do with self-awareness and self-confidence. That's why a woman can be "beautiful" by popular standards-fashionable, or textbook attractive-and not be elegant... So in the end, although you can take your inspiration from others, be true to yourself. Don't give in to someone else's idea of style or beauty. Figure out what YOU want and like, and keep that as your compass. True elegance and style come from honestly expressing yourself.
-The Little Pink Book of Elegance