Wednesday, December 30, 2009

A quote to end 2009 & one to bring in 2010

2009 has been an interesting year, to say the least. A lot has happened, both good and bad. I refuse to do a recap of all the stuff that's gone on... partially because I have a bad memory LOL Honestly, the things that meant the most to me & that impacted me the most have either already been shared here or are of such a nature that I'd rather keep them close to my heart. Instead, I'm going to share two quotes that I found a long time ago, forgot all about, then found again on a little scrap of paper as I was doing some winter cleaning a few days ago.

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Forget the BS from this year & previous years (but not the lessons learned from it!). Take on 2010 with renewed spirit.

The next quote is the one that basically affirms my newly strengthened "Doing Me" attitude. I'll definitely be carrying this one with me into 2010 and beyond:

"Don't let the opinions of the average man sway you. Dream, and he thinks you're crazy. Succeed, and he thinks you're lucky. Acquire wealth, and he thinks you're greedy. Pay no attention. He simply doesn't understand."
-Robert G. Allen

Happy New Year to all!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Thursday, December 24, 2009

A random story about attention

The other day, while walking to the garage from work, a man stopped me & asked if I still went to Jackson State. I was a little hesitant, as I really didn't know dude, but I told him I was in grad school. His was working up there at the time, and used to see me walking to the business building regularly. Turns out he remembered me from my walk (people say I have a unique, "bouncy" walk... IDK) and the fact that my hair was always looking nice (#itstrue). He said I still had a pretty smile, wished me good luck in grad school, and that was that. Y'all don't even know how that made me feel! To know that someone I don't even know noticed me. I made a positive impression on someone... Someone who gave me a tiny bit of attention when he had no obligation or motivation to do so.

If that little random instance of letting me know someone was paying attention to me made me smile, imagine what attention from someone I'm feeling does for me! It doesn't take much... I'm really not an attention whore or anything LOL But little things like mentioning an inside joke at some random point... or mentioning something I discussed on one of my blogs or playfully pointing out my lil idiosyncrasies...

Don't really know where I'm going with this one... I'm just saying... I appreciate attention when it's coming from someone who has my attention... *shrug*

Monday, December 21, 2009

Quote of the Day

Okay, today's quote of the day is hilarious to me! It's from one of my cousins & it's about yours truly. Last night my whole fam (all of my cousins that are on facebook) had a complete convo on one cousin's status about who would be next to get married. (Shout out to cuzzo Derrick for putting a ring on it!) My twin cousin put me out there saying I'd probably be next. (Hardy-har-har...) Then her brother chimed in with this:

I don't know. I think Tori's a pimp. I don't see her getting married anytime
soon. She's got some pimp bones in her body. "Keep your heart, T-Mac. Keep your
heart!" -JB

Now this probably doesn't mean jack shyt to anyone else but iRolled reading that! So for putting a smile on my face on a Monday (especially after the kinda messed up stuff that happened last night) my big cuz gets the honor of being immortalized in my Quote of the Day!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

poem with no title

i'm in love with the past
a figment of a man that couldn't last
despite my desire.
he said he'd always be there
but he wasn't.
he changed.
his personality morphed
while i counted on him staying the same.
he was still growing up,
and the man that he grew into,
well i didn't know him.
and the man that he was
i still can't let go of him.
my present no longer fits
the plans we made for the future...

i started on this poem a few weeks ago & got stuck here. it seems like it's not complete, but i guess it is. since i never could figure out how to express the rest of what i was feeling, i guess the poem was meant to end here.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Previouscats or Learning from the past?

Okay, sooo lately I've been noticing some things ("little" things, some would say) that my current whatever-he-is-since-he-doesn't-have-a-title does that are a lot like the trifling sh*t my ex started doing near the end of our relationship. Not necessarily make-or-break things since I don't know the full story behind what's fueling it, but things that have definitely made me perk my ears up and go "Hmmmmm."

Now I hate to be the stereotypical woman who carries over baggage from one relationship to another. I don't say "All men are alike" because I know for a fact that that's just not true. I know these are two totally different guys, different personalities and characters. In some ways they are similar, but in most they are nothing alike... But am I wrong to see certain things as red flags since they've occurred before?

At what point does one go from simply learning from past mistakes and experiences to dealing with a "previouscats" situation? Is it when I start to ask questions about what's going on? When I simply start to compare the incidences? When I say "I know you're doing blah blah blah, because you did/said/went blah blah blah..."? I have so many questions that I want to ask based on the "little" things that he's doing because when I look back on those "little things" in the past, I see that they should have been blaring warning signs.

So is there a difference? Or is it simply a matter of "tomato, to-mah-to"?

ETA: So I went over to to see if there was anything I could find about why my ex has been popping up in my dreams lately. This came up and I found it to be interesting considering this post:

Ex To dream about your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or that you and
your ex got back together again, suggests that something or someone in your
current life that is bringing out similar feelings you felt during the
relationship with your ex. The dream may be a way of alerting you to the same or
similar behavior in a current relationship. What you learn from that previous
relationship may need to be applied to the present one so that you do no repeat
the same mistake. Alternatively, past lovers often highlight the positive
experiences you had with that person. It could also signify aspects of yourself
that you have x'd out or neglected.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Randomness... because I have nothing better to do...

I found a new shoe from my first love, BCBG, that made me drool. It's such a simple shoe, but I'm absolutely ga-ga over it! BCBG Altero. I guess it appeals to the side of me that wants something basic but still has a bit of the wow factor. Nevermind that the shoe is made almost identical to the royal blue Kostys that I currently own. These will be mine before the end of the month!

Since we are quickly approaching Christmas, I guess I will share my fav holiday song with you...

(boo at not being able to find the original)

Anyway, I've decided there should be some kinda composite character to represent my mood... A cross between Scrooge & The Grinch... The Scrinch? Grooge? No, Grooge sounds like something icky... The Scrinch it is... Now if only I could figure out Photoshop (don't judge me!)

I found this pic a few months ago while looking up something for this blog, but for some reason never posted it. I think it pretty much sums up the quarterlife for me...

Doing Me

A couple days ago I was looking for little quotes to tweet to others & to get myself motivated for the day. I ran across something that has been stuck in my head:

“I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your
expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and
I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it
can't be helped.”(Gestalt prayer) -Frederick Perls

I think too often we concern ourselves with others opinions, to the point where we sometimes neglect our true selves in order to not garner any unwanted attention. Why do people treat others like they have two heads or something simply because the next person's actions or lifestyle differ from theirs? Isn't variety supposed to be the spice of life and all that jazz? If there is no one way of living, it really shouldn't bother me if someone else does or thinks things that I don't particularly agree with, as long as it doesn't adversely affect me.

Lately I have come to realize that I cannot be truly happy if I'm not free to be myself. I don't know if it's growing up or the newly developed attitude of "just don't give a f**k" but I'm at the point where I'd rather let my thoughts and opinions be known instead of sitting in the background going along with others or just complying with things because "that's how it's always been done" or "that's what I was taught." I figure I can do things my way and any of three things could happen:

  1. The people around me can agree with what I'm doing and possibly evaluate whether they are actually living the way they want to

  2. People can agree with what I'm doing but continue to do things according to the status quo

  3. People can have issues with what I'm doing, I say "f**k 'em" and continue to do me

I'm prepared to deal with either of those possibilities. Makes me no difference. What I say, do, think and feel is solely a reflection of Tori D. Anyone who doesn't like it is free to do them...

I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule
of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence. -Frederick Douglass

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Mood I'm In...

I'm talking to the boo-friend (I really dunno what to call him on here just yet; he doesn't have a title, and I kinda like it that way... but til then I guess it's boo-friend) and he's got me on an old Faith Evans tip... Soooo here ya go.

From the good folks over on Twitter....

Seeing as how I'm no longer as young and "cool" as I used to be, I don't keep up with these overnight "celebs." So although I've heard the name Nicki Minaj, I didn't know what she did, what she looked like, or why she was "famous." All I knew was that she'd caused a myriad of simple broads to go from calling themselves "5-star b*tches" to "barbies." Apparently she made an appearance on some show recently and someone over on Twitter posted this pic. (Gotta love the interwebs!) Someone please tell me that she actually dresses like... oh, I dunno... a real person.... I don't see the appeal!

Get Over It?

On a message board I tend to frequent, a poster shared something that one of his facebook friends (who happens to be white) said:

"Why do some Young black people who have never experienced slavery, reference it
as a reason to hate the white population? Of course it's not everybody, only a
select few. My opinion is they need an excuse as to why they have no ambition.
They want a handout for something not them, their parents, nor even their
grandparents went through. But what do you think? I know this is a touchy topic.
Please understand I'm not racist. But after so many times of being told "I'm not
welcome here" with some emphasis of slavery, something that the only reason they
have knowledge of is a history book and what their parents tell them, and not on
personal experiences, I want to get to the bottom of this.... We have a black
man as President. Slavery is dead and gone. Seriously GET OVER IT..."

There were several interesting responses, most of which I agree with:

"I think its the same reason why white ppl fear black perpetrated violence even
though they never personally experienced it. You feel a certain way, because
this thing has happened to people just like you. The fear some of you feel...
just multiply it by 100 and let it linger for a couple hundred years and then
come back and ask some black people why they don't wanna be bothered with your
kind. Its not ignorant, because the knowledge of the past is still relevant. The
Germans will suffer the stain of the Nazis for all eternity, the white race will
suffer the stain of slavery/Jim Crow so long as U.S. of America is here."

"Why do some white people think that blacks are mad about slavery, when its
actually the decades of social injustice, hidden racism, widespread stereotypes,
and cultural insensitivity shown toward them and their families that is still
prevalent today?"

Says the great great grandchildren of the owners and shareholders of the LLoyds
of London, Haliburton, and William- Morris Corporations who all made billions
off of the sweat of our ancestor's backs through free labor... Some people think
slavery ended and everyone just went on planting flowers singing hymns. The
effects of slavery carry on, but worse, the social and government actions that
were utilized to successfully implement slavery and oppression based on skin
color still linger on and will have to be fought at every turn in order to

well the Jews do the same thing. They keep talking about the holocaust like it
happened yesterday. So until that conversation ends we can keep talking about

So what do you think? Does this guy have a valid point in your opinion? Do we need to "get over it" since we did not experience it ("it" being slavery) firsthand? Is he just ignorant? Or is it covert racism? Speak on it!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Quote of the Day

Image by Sema at AffirmArt.

We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore
the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big
differences that we often cannot foresee.
-Marian Wright Edelman

Today, and throughout the rest of the week/month/year, I'm striving to work on the little changes. Both personally (physically, professionally, financially) and socially. I'm one of those people that tends to want to do a lot but then gets overwhelmed at the magnitude of it all... which sometimes leads to me doing nothing. But I know that can't continue; I have to make some changes and it may as well start with the small things.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Another Myspace Oldie but Goodie: Ten Things My Future Husband Needs To Know

1. An exterminator is not a luxury, not a request. It is mandatory. if i do not get this, you will be called away from any & everything you are doing to come smash any creepy-crawly thing over 1/2 inch.

2. I am not a morning person. My morning conversations consist of a series of grunts, groans, evil facial expressions & eyerolls. Please postpone any real discussions until 11:00 am or until I've had at least two cups of coffee.

3. I have a high sex drive. Imma need to to come with it, and come with it often. If you feel you can't fulfill this, feel free to let me know and I will find a replacement... (j/k... kinda)

4. I always win. I'm always right. The sooner you come to accept this, the more confrontations we can avoid. LOL

5. I want someone who can take control but still give me the illusion that I'm running the show. So lets work on perfecting that...

6. I am a very passionate person when it comes to people I love. I give complete loyalty & I expect the same. Anything less will not do (ya better read up on Taurus women!). I will give you everything I have, and I request everything from you in return.

7. If you can convince me to have kids, I am naming them. I have names for one boy & two girls already, so you better hope for multiples if you got a name you really like.

8. A man that cooks is so sexy. a man that cooks & cleans will get the panty-draws whenever wherever! LMAO Okay, that may be a bit of a stretch, but I want a man who doesn't mind sharing responsibilities around the house. So if you don't know a pot from a skillet or cant separate whites & colors to save your life, you may wanna reevaluate some things before being with me.

9. Be straightforward with me. Imma find out the truth anyway, so don't try to hide it. I am not very nice when i am lied to.

10. Monotony is not the business. I don't like doing the same old same old. Spontaneity & uniqueness get me every time. That lets me know you feel I'm special, so my day/night should be special. Not just the same ol ordinary dinner & movies.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

to others in my situation

This is something that I've avoided talking about for a long time, but it's been in my head and heart something serious the last couple of days. It always is during the holidays. Since I don't want to keep it bottled up anymore I figured I'd just put it out there here. Maybe if I get it off my chest it'll ease up.

My story is from seven years ago. I was a senior in high school. That was one of those years where Christmas fell in the middle of the week, a Wednesday, so both of my parents had gone back to work. I was sitting around the house, enjoying my time away from school. A "friend" of mine called and said that he had my Christmas present. Now, me being the person that I am, I'm not gonna turn down gifts. So I told him to bring it over since I didn't have a car. His cousin dropped him off, we made small talk for a second, then I asked the question I'd been wondering since he got out of the car. "Soooo, where's my present?" He opened his arms and said, "I'm right here!" I kinda laughed, thinking he had to be teasing me and that the real gift was forthcoming.

It wasn't, so I told him that he should probably go. He said he wanted to stay a while and started kissing on my neck. I asked him to stop, told him this wasn't a good idea. I tried to lead him out of the door. Instead, he pushed me down, pinned me. I tried to fight him off, but I was really no match for a football player.

On December 26, 2002, I was raped by someone I considered a friend.

I never told my parents. Still haven't. I just knew my dad would tell me that's what I get for being disobedient and having someone at the house when they weren't there. I told my best friend, who tried to downplay it, saying "Well, you probably wanted it anyway, just not right then." After that, I shut up. I blamed myself, saying if I hadn't been so materialistic I wouldn't have even invited him over and none of it would've happened. If I'd been a virgin, the rumors wouldn't have been circulating about me and he wouldn't have tried it. If I had been stronger I could've beat his ass. If I'd have been smarter I would have realized that this dude wouldn't have just up and bought me a gift; we hadn't been that close for that long.

I tried to hid it. Ignore it. Act like it didn't happen. I say it didn't affect me, but on the inside I know it did. I sometimes wonder how my interactions with guys in the following year or two would have been different if I hadn't had the mindset of "give it to them before they take it." I wonder would I open up easier, trust more. At this point, who knows.

What I would tell any young woman who's been victimized like this, is to get help. Tell someone who will listen and is supportive. Please don't try to shrug it off or hold it in. And most importantly don't blame yourself.

that's all i have for now

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Angry Black Woman, Pt. II

(Yes, I know that Part I hasn't been posted yet; I'm still working on that one! But I felt like writing this ASAP and didn't quite fit into where I was going with the other post. And I also know I could've made this Part I and the other Part II, but I don't wanna...)

I know we've all heard about the stereotypical Angry Black Woman. The neck-rolling, loud-talking, dare-you-to-get-outta-line types. The "I wish a muthafucka would" black woman.

I've read different blogs and various comments here and there about how black women's attitudes are driving black men into the arms of women of other races. Now, I won't even get into how pathetic a man would have to be to let encounters with a few women make him write off a whole race of women. Nor will I get into how offended I'd be if someone approached me thinking I must be docile (read: easy to control) just because I wasn't (insert whatever ethnicity here).

If someone happens to find love outside of their own race, kudos. Love is hard as hell to find anyway, so they'd be doing better than me on that tip. But men, please know, just because your woman isn't black doesn't mean she can't go off. I mean, remember Fatal Attraction? Okay yeah, that was just a movie... not real life right? Cuz real life is the crazy astronaut lady. Real life is getting your balls mangled or your cock cut clean off. It's the ex burning down your wedding. It's (allegedly) being beat down with your own golf clubs. (No link necessary) And yes, it's getting your pet goldfish eaten.*

In conclusion, yes some black women may have a little edge to their attitude, but anyone can be crazy if they're pushed hard enough!

*Okay so I know there wasn't a picture or name to go off of, but c'mon... I refuse to believe this was a black woman... Nope, I refuse!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I Have (Officially) Returned!

I know I've made several posts since I announced my hiatus, but since I never truly said "I'm back"... I'm BACK! So what Have I been up to while I took my little departure? Well...

  • I've started working on a manifesto. Things seem so much more concrete to me when I put it into writing. I figured, why not do that with my declaration of who I am, what my goals are and my personal affirmations/philosophy. It's a work in progress and I'm sure it'll never actually be "finished." Rather, I'm sure it will be a "living document" and I'm interested myself to see how it will evolve.

  • I have finally started my real estate course. Within about a month I'll be taking the test and on my way to helping people find a home! I'm excited!

  • I took a much needed trip to see someone special. It made me realize that due to my impatience I made a mistake before, but I'm glad to know that his statement to me ("I'm a patient man, if you hadn't noticed") held true. I completely enjoyed myself, and his fam. But I am trying not to get ahead of myself. It's hard. I fall very fast.

  • I've been doing a ton of writing. Some of it is just personal stuff, but a lot of it is poetry. Now I'm sifting through old and new pieces to decide what will make it into the book (that I may or may not try to publish).
  • Been dealing with a lot of changes on the job. Some good, some not so good. Biggest part is that I got a promotion. I finally have some actual duties and responsibilities. It's crazy because instead of actually training, I'm having to learn as I go. Definitely a challenge, but I'm up for it! So I guess that means I'll probably be staying where I am until the end of next year (unless something too good to pass up comes along). Then after that I'm setting my sights east...
That's it as far as Tori D is concerned! I'm ready to get back into blogging (a little more seriously than before) and have some changes that I want to make pretty soon. Once this semester is over and I have a little more time, I will definitely be putting those changes into effect.
As of right now, it's getting late and difficult for me to form actual sentences, so I guess that's my cue to end it. Buona notte!

Since it's officially the holiday season...


Eff this holiday stuff...

That is all.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Tori D.'s Must-See Movie List

Yes, I am being lame by sitting in the house on a Friday night when everyone else is out and about. But I won't be a homebody forever! Over the next few months, I'm gonna be a movie-going fool! Let me let you in on my must-see list:

Fine men (seriously, how is the whole cast fine?!). Weapons. Crime. This has Tori D. written all over it! I'm hoping T.I.'s performance isn't as stiff as it appears in the preview, but even if it is I feel that the actual actors will make this movie great. Preview only says "coming soon" but I do know it's set for 2010.

Saw this preview when I went to see 2012. When it came on, the gentleman I was with and I both said "as good as seen!" Can't say I fully understand the premise, but I've seen enough to know that I wanna see more to know more. Denzel is scruffy-sexy. Meg, er, I mean Mila Kulis is kick-ass and cute (why is she not in more movies?). Due January 15, 2010.

A slight deviation from my normal movie preference, but it looks funny and action-packed. Win-win! Supposed to be out on Christmas. Great, I'll have something to do while I'm avoiding the holiday crap!

This movie just looks crazy! No words! The premise is pretty far-fetched, but I'm a sucker for action and the supernatural... Jan 22, 2010

More robbery! More action! (Anyone seeing a theme in my movie preferences? lol) And it's due in a few days (Dec 4)

Considering that I still think it would be supercool to be a hitwoman/assassin (don't judge me!) and the fact that I believe I may have been a Ninja in a past life, this movie is right up my ally. This is such a guy movie! I'm gonna have to grab bestie and make him go with me... LOL You can see this one on Thanksgiving

I'd go see it based off Leo & that accent alone! Psychological thrillers are (almost) always great. I feel like this one is gonna have a lotta twists. I'm excited! Feb 19, 2010

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Dear Haley, Kiss Ass

This week Haley Barbour, governor of Mississippi, has proposed merging several of the state-funded universities as an answer to the growing budget constraints. He wants to merge Mississippi University for Women with the much larger Mississippi State University. He also proposed that Alcorn State University and Mississippi Valley State University be merged with Jackson State University.

Really, Haley? You just happen to want to shrink the number of public HBCUs in Mississippi from 3 to 1? And it just so happens to be the one school that has gone back and forth for several years about becoming "The University of Mississippi at Jackson"? Interesting...

Needless to say, students, alumni and even faculty are up in arms, and as an alumna of Jackson State University, I am too. Of course I have nothing against the other institutions (other than the rivalries during football season) but I could not think of a worse thing (other than completely shutting down) for either of these schools. Each institution was set up with their specific purpose. Each has their own unique history and culture that they identify with. Everyone who attended these universities has a special connection with that school. Why should that be taken away from students and would-be students of ASU and MVSU?

On top of that, the proposed merger just doesn't make good sense to me. If schools need to be consolidated, why not try to find a more reasonable solution? What I would suggest is dividing the state up into either the northern & southern halves or north, central and southern regions. Then, have a set standard that the separate colleges at each university must meet (possibly number of students that graduate from the program?). Leave the top two or three of each program in each region open.

For example, while JSU's College of Business turns out hundreds of graduates, one of the liberal arts programs may only have a handful of graduates. In comparison, USM may have a great English department but their science department may not be stellar. So in the southern half, there may be one less liberal arts and one less science program due to their discontinuation (temporarily, preferably) at these particular schools. (BTW, this is just an example. I can't speak for the performance of any other university or other programs at Jackson State. The College of Business is, however, on point.)

Forgive me if I didn't make my example clear. It's early and I haven't had my coffee.

My point is there has to be some alternative to completely shutting down these universities. Although Haley proposes that the schools will remain open as part of JSU, their unique heritage would be lost.

I do not believe this will pass. As I stated, many people are upset over this. We have determined that our schools will not go down without a fight. Numerous FB groups have formed, rallies are being planned/held, and a petition has just recently been created. Although this is not the first time an idea like this has been presented to the legislature, never have we been in a position like this where everything is being considered. If there was ever a time to put up or shut up, it's now.

Jackson fair, Jackson dear
Thee I love, My dear old college home
Thee I love wherever I may roam
Jackson fair, Jackson dear...

Clarion Ledger article on the proposed merger (the comments about us "crying" and not needing HBCUs burned me up! There would be rioting if he even hinted at merging Ole Miss and Miss State!)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I will have my turkey and eat it too! OR, Why I will still celebrate Thanksgiving

Recently I had a discussion with a soror in regards to something she'd read about not celebrating Thanksgiving. The reason was one that I've heard before from many "I'm-blacker-than-you" individuals: "This is the white man's holiday. How can you celebrate them taking land from Native Americans, killing them, etc etc etc?"

Well, I'll tell you why I still celebrate Thanksgiving. Because I'm thankful, dammit.

I have my health, a good portion of my sanity, good friends and family. I'm not out on the streets wondering where my next meal is coming from. I'm not struggling to make ends meet. Even though I'm not where I want to be right now, I'm in a very good place and I know I've been blessed.

My celebration has nothing to do with White, Black, Indian, none of that. It's about what God has done and is doing for me. Really, how many holidays are still actually celebrated in the spirit in which it was originally created? Halloween? I doubt too many kids are worried about warding off ghosts who may come back from the dead to destroy crops. Christmas? Please, Christmas is all about who gets the best gift. Valentine's Day? How many people even know the story of St. Valentine? Cinco de Mayo? St. Patrick's Day?! IDK, maybe getting drunk and wearing green was the purpose of St. Paddy's. (sarcasm)

What's my point? It is simply this: If you chose not to celebrate Thanksgiving, that is definitely your prerogative. I'm not much of a holiday person anyway (long story). But Please know that on the fourth Thursday of every November, I will be with my family, eating turkey, ham, mac & cheese, greens, pecan pie or whatever has been prepared. And I will not feel guilty about it. Instead, I will be thankful that I'm in a position to do so.

(BTW, if you really wanna get technical--and I love technicalities--the Pilgrims didn't start Thanksgiving. Native American groups throughout the Americas, including the Pueblo, Cherokee, Creek and many others organized harvest festivals, ceremonial dances, and other celebrations of thanks for centuries before the arrival of Europeans in North America. But then again, maybe you don't like to concern yourself with facts, so you can pay this no mind if you so choose.)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

"I'm Twisted"

a poem i wrote several weeks back. i wasn't sure about posting it then, but i'm in a sharing mood... LOL really i wouldn't mind getting feedback; i'm about to start focusing on my writing (poetry/music/short stories) again. here's one of my latest finished pieces.

I'm twisted.
Your love is wonderful and delicious
And I miss it,
But I need something different.
I need something instant;
Right now love
Or a right now fuck,
I need something now!
But you're not around...
You're a thousand miles away
And I'm alone in this little town
And I feel bad for wanting it,
Even thinking it.
I feel like I shouldn't be needing it like I do.
I really want you
But someone is here.
Someone is close.
Someone wants to stand as your substitute.
Now I know he's no you
But something deep inside is saying "Maybe he'll do..."
Damn, I feel bad again.
No, I don't want no other man,
I just want something instant.
'Cause I miss it.
I know, I know...
I'm twisted.

-Sept. 16, 2009

Monday, November 2, 2009

O_O Birth Chart

Have any of y'all ever had a birth chart done? I had one done recently and OMG it is crazy accurate. I couldn't believe it... I will admit that I don't fully understand all of the houses & moon positions & whatnot, but now my curiosity is piqued so I have to learn more. Anyway, I figured I'd share it. (BTW, I'll be posting regularly again soon... hopefully) It's a little lengthy, but if you ever wanted to understand Tori D., this is a darn good place to start. (Things I feel really describe me are in italics.)

Sun in Taurus

There is something very solid about Taurus natives, no matter what the rest of their charts say about them. Though they are dependable most of the time, this generally shows itself more in habit than in outright helpfulness.
Taurus natives are sensual folk--and this includes sex, but extends to pleasures in all areas: they delight in the sensual pleasures of food, a comfortable blanket, a richly colored aquarium to look at, the smell of flowers or spring rain, pleasing melodies coming from their stereos, and so forth. Some might even say they live through their senses more than most.
When Taurus natives work, they work hard. They do it with a steadiness that may rarely be considered quick--rather it's a dependable, plodding, and steady effort that has its payoffs. Security is immensely important to Taurus--some of them actively seek wealth, while others are content to be "comfortable". The Taurus definition of "comfortable" may not be exactly the same as the rest of the signs, but comfort is definitely a driving force.
Although hard-working, their fixed and comfort-loving nature sometimes makes them appear lazy. This is only because they separate work and leisure so well. When they work, they work hard, and when they play, they don't really "play" as such...they relax. A Solar Taurus who has kicked his or her feet up is rooted there--you'd be hard-pressed to get them to move. On a mental level, you'll likely have the same problem. Taureans stick with things and ideas, and therein lies one of the reasons why they are known for their stubbornness. Taurus is a fixed sign, and they have a fair measure of tradition and steadiness in their make-up that keeps them rooted.
The possessiveness associated with Taurus shows up in all areas of life in some way. Taurus likes to own things (and sometimes people). A nice home, a piece of land (this can be modest), a paid-off car, that aquarium mentioned earlier, a couple pets, maybe a solid business...In love and relationship, there is an earthy kind of possessiveness that may be considered jealousy by some, but there is actually quite a difference between being possessive and being jealous. Taurus natives are rarely jealous and petty. They do, however, think of the people they love as theirs--it adds to their sense of security.

Short description:
She is strong-willed. She has charm, and is tolerant and stoical. She likes pleasure and the good things in life. Appreciates the Arts.
Weaknesses: obstinacy, laziness. She can be materialistic.

Taurus ascendant Libra

Sun in VIII

You have a great urge to go farther or deeper into life every step of the way. You want to experience more, and your desires are both powerful and intense. It is hard for you to find satisfaction in common experiences, and you have magnetic power if you choose to use it wisely. You are fascinated with what lies under the surface, and at some point in your life, self-improvement is a big interest. (Uh, hello, Tori D 2.0!) You are attracted to unexplored or taboo areas of life, and you avoid all things superficial. Financial problems may ease after marriage.

-274 Opposition Sun - Saturn

You faced a fair number of challenges in your life, especially in the first half of life, in which your attempts to express your will were often thwarted. There can be a persistent feeling that you don't get what they want in comparison to others. You can feel unlucky at times. Attempts to control your environment, and sometimes others, may be frequent.
You want to be considered an accomplished and important person, and when you face obstacles, you don't always see that you are your own worst enemy. You may long to be considered important in the eyes of the world, yet you harbor fear of success at the same time. You take failures and minor setbacks to heart, and may even practically beat yourself up over them. Self-awareness to the point of real self-consciousness is a possibility. The truth is, nobody holds a microscope over you, except for yourself. A little setback or a faux pas needn't be analyzed to death. Fingers needn't be pointed. No, you didn't make a spectacle of yourself when you made a mistake. You need to stop worrying about always being right, or appearing suave and accomplished. When you ease the pressure you put on yourself, you find that you don't face as many brick walls. It is very much about what you feel you deserve. Deep down inside, if you let yourself truly believe that you deserve happiness and peace of mind, you will find it.You may engage in a lot of self-censoring: "I shouldn't.." is a common censoring mechanism with you. When you express egotism of any form, some part of you feels guilty. As the Sun rules our conscious mind, it does enough censoring on its own. It is the "adult" within us. Saturn, on the other hand, is more like the "parent" within us. We need parents to guide us when we are children, and to some degree as adults, but for the most part, we don't need to be censored indefinitely--something that seems to be the case with Saturn-Sun hard aspects, except that the censoring and parenting is coming from within. Ideally, you eventually learn that the standards you set for yourself are too high, and that may be the reason you seem to hit brick walls. You have a sarcastic sense of humor, a keen intelligence, and the ability to apply caution and strategy. The vitality may suffer, and troubles with the bones, teeth, and circulation may surface, especially at times of stress in your life.

96 Sextile Sun - Midheaven

She knows what she wants on the professional level, is aware of her objectives (still working on that) and does everything to achieve them, she will carry out plans to the very end. She has a good job as well as a good reputation.

The Moon represents the emotional responses, unconscious pre-destination, and the self-image.
Moon in Aries

Nothing quite happens soon enough with this position of the Moon. There is an inherent impatience with getting what they want. Life is a series of emergencies for Lunar Ariens. They live in the moment and have a hard time waiting for things to happen. Whims of the moment take absolute precedence in their lives. This is a fiery position of the moon. Even if the Sun or rising sign is more low-key, Moon in Aries people possess inner passion and fire. Emotional issues take precedence--there is simply no pussy-footing around when it comes to dealing with the feelings. And, dealing with new sentiments and needs stirs up a huge desire for activity. Moon in Aries has a need for acting out their needs, with no time to waste. It is hard for them to see the long-term, or to wait for things to happen. Instant gratification rules!

Oddly enough, this is a very defensive position of the Moon. These natives take things very personally, and they deal with problems by facing them right away so that they can then get on with other things. Their flare-ups generally end almost as quickly as they started. Lunar Ariens have an unmistakable independent streak. They put themselves right out there in the world, and make an impression in whatever they do. Their self-confidence is actually variable. Although a strong personality is projected, Moon in Aries people go through plenty of ups and downs. Their moodiness is not like Cancer or Pisces moodiness--they don't withdraw into themselves or escape the world when they're down. Instead, they are temperamental. Some might say that people with Moon in Aries actually enjoy trouble and confrontations. Indeed, this position is easily bored with environments that are too peaceful. Their homes--especially their childhood homes--are often battlegrounds. They rule the roost, or at least want to, and are not the most peaceful of folk to live with!

Moon in Aries men and women are prone to have plenty of crushes and other short-lived yet intense desires. "Needs" and "wants" are indistinguishable to Lunar Ariens at any given time. In their minds, what they want is so powerful that it becomes an absolute need. (Whenever my mom used to tell me I didn't need something, I would tell her "Well I want it like a need!")
In young adulthood, they can be dangerous with a credit card. Whoever offered the advice to freeze your credit card in a container of water, and then let the block of ice thaw before using the card, unwittingly had people with Moon in Aries in mind. The whole idea was to see if the shopping whim of the moment would pass by the time the card was ready to use. Still, with this scenario, I wouldn't be surprised to see Moon in Aries hacking away at the ice. That is, if Aries actually takes the advice in the first place!

Others will appreciate that people with Moon in Aries rarely sulk or play any drawn-out games of manipulation. You can pretty much know what they want at any given time. They are generally ruled by their own emotional needs, and they're not always as concerned about others' needs during these "emergencies". Somehow, they have people around them scrambling to help them solve their problems. There's an aura of childlike innocence around Lunar Ariens, even when they're getting their way again, that can be charming indeed!

Moon in VI

Will never be a leader, but succeeds in being the right-hand of an important person. In most cases, she is an employee, worker etc. She likes the country, respects Nature and likes animals.

384 Conjunction Moon - Venus

You are generally amiable and project a soft and yielding manner. You possess natural charm and you are highly imaginative and sympathetic. You can make an excellent mediator and go-between. You are keenly aware of your need for relationships and for intimacy. You have a well-developed respect for qualities typically associated with the feminine. People appreciate you for your tender heart and friendly, diplomatic disposition. You should enjoy a good measure of personal popularity and success in your life. Although generally considered "lucky" with relationships and with money, this is less about luck than it is about a certain level of inner peace and positive energy that attracts pleasant situations. At times you can be complacent, downright lazy, and over-indulgent in the "pleasures" of life. However, you are a peace-maker at heart and have an unusual ability to help and heal others. You are gracious and warm.

175 Sextile Moon - Mars

You are a passionate person who loves life. Although your emotions are powerful and immediate, your passion is generally controlled and directed. You are a sexual person who nevertheless doesn't get too carried away or controlled by your passions. Because your emotions are strong and you know how to channel them into constructive channels, you don't easily understand such things as "crimes of passion", impulsive behaviors, or emotional excitability in others. You're generally open, accepting, and natural in your sexual expression. You need an emotional connection in order to feel complete on a physical level. You may have an affection and talent for sports, but other factors in the natal chart are necessary to provide the motivation and commitment.

Short description: She is frank, honest, full of vigor and ambition. She is strong-willed and powerful at work. She is a little hard on herself but, above all, on others whose capacity for action is not as great.

44 Trine Moon - Uranus

She is imaginative and has the Moon's intuition complemented by Uranus' independence and originality. Her life is out-of-the-ordinary, with lots of changes and a great knowledge of the world not through reading but through personal experience. She likes the sensational, new things. She acts instinctively, but fortunately has a good sixth sense. She likes to be surrounded by original people, artists.

Mercury represents communication, Cartesian and logical spirit.
Mercury in Taurus

She is faithful to her ideas, unchangeable and quietly opinionated, persistent, but discreet. Likes all the pleasures life can offer. Careful in speech, deliberate, intelligent. Learns best through the senses, not through the traditional educational system. She possesses plenty of common sense, and her simplicity makes it easy to get from point A to point B in as few steps as possible!

Weaknesses: stubborn, obstinate, withdrawn. Slow to react.

Mercury in VII

Hates being alone. She has lots of friends, likes to discuss and similarly has a lot of work friends. Likes to write.

95 Trine Mercury - Neptune

She can put down in writing everything that her imagination and intuition dictates.

-267 Opposition Mercury - Pluto

She is impatient. She likes contradiction and is irascible. Her arguments are noisy and animated. (Too true, as many of my exes can attest to LOL)

-18 Opposition Mercury - Ascendant

She likes to criticize, to gossip. Frequently arguing, she is nervous but also disturbed. She looks out too much for a verbal battle, and is provoking.

-4 Square Mercury - Midheaven

She has no specific aim in life. She frequently changes jobs, is unstable but likes change, which gives her the feeling of living intensely. Lots of activity as far as love is concerned - she has a full sex life. (My friends say if I was on Girlfriends, I'd be Lynn -_-)

Venus represents an interest for emotions and values, exchange and sharing with others.
Venus in Aries

Venus in Aries people flirt by being up-front, direct, and even daring. They try to win you over by expressing how enterprising and independent they are. Their style of expressing love can be maddeningly "me"-centered, but the right person for them will find this approach charming. People get turned on by Venus in Aries' aura of innocent charm, even when they are being childish and impatient. Venus in Aries men and women behave in a childlike, fun-loving manner in love. They are turned on by energy and activity. Turn-offs include a relationship that is considered stuffy or too "mature", vagueness, and beating around the bush. In love, Venus in Aries people are hopelessly addicted to the conquest. In order for a relationship to remain fresh and new for them, they require plenty of stimulation.

Pleasing Venus in Aries involves fueling their need for action. Be direct, open, and honest with them -- they won't much like game-playing or evasiveness, unless it is in the complete spirit of fun. Feed their need for spontaneity, and appreciate their playfulness. Understand their desire for the relationship to remain young and fresh. Aries likes to take the lead in love (even if their Sun Sign is gentle Pisces) -- let them, at least most of the time. Indulge them their many whims, and understand that they thrive on competition, even when they're competing with you!

Short description:
Wants to take the lead in love, loves the conquest, can be a spendthrift with money, is given to making impulsive purchases, likes to keep things exciting in love. Very ardent. Spontaneous and charming in her direct and straightforward approach in love.

Venus in VI

She is devoted to sick or poor people. Certainly works in a medical or social setting, where she meets their partner, who is a great help professionally.

171 Sextile Venus - Mars

She is amorous, not a peaceful and calm lover but a passionate one with a strong temperament. She is demonstrative in love, and likes healthy pleasures. She enjoys life to the full.

37 Sextile Venus - Jupiter

She is good-hearted, generous and has a good character. She likes well-being, comfort, a life without problems. She has good relations with her circle. She is easy to approach. All the same, she falls in love easily. (*shakes fist @ this tendency*) She has a successful married and professional life.

38 Trine Venus - Uranus

independent in love. Her love life is rich, but with passing love affairs. She tires quickly and is scared of losing her liberty. If she marries, she will regret it. She has that little something that attracts the opposite sex: she likes amorous adventures, she is romantic. She is the eternal lover and, of course, is unfaithful if she has a serious relationship. She likes art, anything new.

Mars represents the desire for action and physical energy.
Mars in Gemini

Mars is the planet that rules our drive and passions. In the mutable air sign of Gemini, Mars is a little scattered and unfocused. Easily bored, Mars in Gemini natives need a fresh change of pace frequently just to keep energy levels up. It's a somewhat odd thing, really. When there's nothing much to do, these natives are exhausted. But if there's plenty of interesting things on their agenda, Mars in Gemini natives can be powerhouses! More than most people, these individuals have a physical reaction to boredom. Besides possessing a passion for words, when Mars in Gemini natives get angry or fired up, they use words as their "weapon". Angry words--some of the most incisive and sarcastic ones--can fly around with the more energetic natives. Others simply talk things through--energetically! Whatever the case may be, Mars in Gemini natives need to get everything off their chests when they're fired up.

In fact, debates are a Mars in Gemini specialty. These natives draw on their sharp wit to win arguments. In general, they can be talkative sorts, sometimes bordering on verbal diarrhea. Those whose charts show more reserve only become chatty when they're worked up about something or the other. Some people with this position of Mars are quite fidgety. They have much nervous energy. In general, their nervousness and restlessness are at the root of plenty of physical ups and downs. When they're on edge, they can be nitpicky. Many Mars in Gemini natives channel their energy through their hands. Gemini, after all, rules the hands; and these people often express energy through musical instruments and the like--even video games. Many are attracted to puzzles and games as diversions. These natives are very adaptable, often thriving on change. They often take up many projects at once, spreading themselves thin at times. (Like I am now...) Sustained interest is not especially common with this position of Mars. Most will benefit from attempting to focus their energies rather than scattering them. However, their versatility and disdain for routine generally means Mars in Gemini natives are busy people.

Mars in VIII

Sexually very powerful, she is also capable of tremendous focus and hard work. Sexually intense and deep. Is adept at professions requiring research, strategy, uncovering truths, and analysis. Arguments may occur over inheritance.

71 Trine Mars - Jupiter

She has a good sense of organization, she is jovial, frank and sincere. She is full of dynamism and over-abundant energy. She loves life and takes all it has to offer. She likes sports and the outdoor life. She is successful professionally and emotionally. She usually has lots of children. (I have to say, this last sentence was one of the few things that mad me say "What? That's definitely not for me!")

-112 Opposition Mars - Uranus

She is full of contradictions. She is original, tending to the eccentric, violent, headstrong, impatient and irascible. She fights to the bitter end to overcome hurdles, and has the strength to overcome them.

Jupiter represents expansion and grace.
Jupiter in Aquarius

She attracts the most good fortune when she is tolerant and fair, inventive, impartial, and cooperative.

Jupiter in IV

She likes and believes in justice. She is an optimist and is generous. Professional success is rapid and helped by the family. Family life is very important for her. She likes comfort, well-being at home. She knows how to entertain in style and above all with pleasure: her house is always open to friends.

140 Sextile Jupiter - Uranus

She knows what's going on at a glance. She thirsts after knowledge, and is a good organizer. She is very independent, likes her freedom of action, is a non-conformist. She is very agreeable company and is always in demand.

Saturn represents contraction and effort.
Saturn in Scorpio

Observant, self-controlled, unforgiving, tough, methodical, a researcher, an investigator. Lots of courage, self-assurance and can keep her cool.

Weaknesses: makes no concessions or compromises. She can become a fanatic of a creed, a party, work or a religion.

Saturn in II

If she is rich, will always give the impression of being in financial difficulties. If she is broke, she gives the same impression - this time with reason. She fears being without money, and may be especially cautious with possessions and finances as a result.

29 Trine Saturn - Midheaven

She is ambitious, but in a calculated, well-balanced way. She perseveres, is serious, orderly. She climbs the ladder slowly but surely: if need be, she is willing to change her ideas. She is wise and experienced.

Uranus represents individual liberty, egoistic liberty.
Uranus in Sagittarius

She is shy, delicate but proud, bold and lively.

Uranus in II

She has a lot of flair. She is unreliable at work, always ready for change. She must have an out-of-the-ordinary job, in which case all goes well: otherwise, she will often change jobs and will have financial problems.

Neptune represents transcendental liberty, non-egoistic liberty.
Neptune in Capricorn

She is discerning, wise and sensible.

Neptune in III

She has a lot of imagination, high ideals. She is nostalgic. Dry, cold facts are hard for her to absorb, so traditional academics might not appeal.

80 Sextile Neptune - Pluto
Pluto represents transformations, mutations and elimination.
Pluto in Scorpio

Great sexual activity. (rawr.. LOL)

13 Conjunction Pluto - Ascendant

She has will-power and ambition, and likes to have her own way.

-1 Square Pluto - Midheaven

She abuses her power, crushing others in order to achieve her objectives. She risks losing everything and having to start from scratch.

House I is the area of self identity. The ascendant is a symbol of how one acts in life. It is the image of the personality as seen by others, and the attitude that one has towards life.
Taurus ascendant Libra
Ascendant in Libra

Everybody seems to like Libra Ascendant natives. They just come across as nice, pleasant, and fair. Look a little closer at their lives, and these nice people may have had quite a few problems in their relationships. Some of them have had a string of relationships, and it can be hard to imagine why! These natives attract others to them effortlessly. Besides, they simply don't know what to do with themselves without a significant other. Libra rising generally appear to be smoothing everything over. They have charming smiles, a gentle approach with others, and an easygoing image. Even if they were not endowed with good looks, they are attractive. Most pay a lot of attention to their personal appearance -- the colors they wear, their hair, the way they walk.
Libra rising people can be enormously persuasive, although they will almost always use a "soft sell" approach when they want to win others over, which is all of the time! A tendency to pass the buck and keep up that "nice guy/gal" image are their worst qualities. However, they can make excellent mediators and will generally be the first to accommodate you. Libra rising natives are usually attracted to competent, active partners. Their relationships are often characterized by bickering or competitiveness until they learn to drop their sweet image once in a while and to stop blaming their partners for everything that goes wrong.

House II is the area of material security and values. It rules money and personal finances, sense of self-worth and basic values, personal possessions.
House II in Scorpio

Financial success may come through handling other people's money and resources or thanks to an inheritance. Financial ups and downs are very possible, but in later life, finances can be substantial. Private about revealing her worth.

House III is the area of social and intellectual learning.
House III in Sagittarius

She will study for a long time, will be erudite. Very intelligent, an open and independent spirit, will have a connection with foreign countries. Fertile intelligence.

House IV is the area of home, family, roots, and deep emotions/sense of self-worth.
House IV in Capricorn

After working all her life to obtain her objectives and finally having reached that goal, she wants to retire in peace and quiet and to have a retirement full of contemplation, with few tasks, close to nature. As she was very careful with money all her life, she will administer the properties she has acquired.

House V is the area of creative self-expression, romance, entertainment, children, and gambling.
House V in Aquarius

Doesn't like routine and the banal. She is romantic, full of fantasy and imagination. She is also a friend one can count on. (That is, until I find out I can't count on you... mmhmmm)

House VI is the area of learning by material transaction.
House VI in Pisces

Job in commerce. Weak point: the kidneys.

House VII is the area of one-to-one relationships such as marriage and partnership, and of social and intellectual action.
House VII in Aries

Love-at-first-sight, marries without thinking. Doesn't want to change her habits, so domestic quarrels to be foreseen.

House VIII is the area of emotional security and of security of the soul.
House VIII in Taurus

Happy old age, natural death. Inheritance.

House IX is the area of learning that shapes the identity.
House IX in Gemini

Likes studying, is open to anything new, accepts and recognizes her errors, always develops in a positive sense. Likes travel, discovery, meeting new people and knows how to appreciate them.

House X is the area of material action. The Mid-heaven represents the work one will do in his life, the place one will take in the world of society. It becomes more important as one grows older House X in Cancer

Likes contact with the public, the crowd. Profession that involves meeting a lot of people. Professional success thanks to sense of duty and application to her work.

House XI is the area of search for social and intellectual security.
House XI in Leo

Friends are not always chosen by chance. Even if the feelings of friendship are sincere, these friends must automatically bring something - professional help for example.

House XII is the area of education and of emotion.
House XII in Virgo

Work in a research lab.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

"20 present at gang rape": a case for the devaluation of female sexuality

Richmond, California (CNN) -- Investigators say as many as 20 people were involved in or stood and watched the gang rape of a 15-year-old girl outside a California high school homecoming dance Saturday night.

Two teenage suspects have been jailed, but more arrests, as many as 20 total, are expected, according to a police detective.

As many as 10 people were involved in the assault in a dimly lighted back alley at the school, while another 10 people watched without calling 911 to report it, police said.

Nineteen-year-old Manuel Ortega, described as a former student at the school, was arrested soon after he fled the scene and will face charges of rape, robbery and kidnapping, police said.

A 15-year-old was later arrested and charged with one count of felony sexual assault. A third teenager was being interviewed, Gagan said.

"Based on witness statements and suspect statements, and also physical evidence, we know that she was raped by at least four suspects committing multiple sex acts," Gagan said.

"As people announced over time that this was going on, more people came to see, and some actually participated," Gagan said. (source)

Being a rape victim, I am especially sensitive to stories like this. I'm saddened, sickened, and pissed the hell off. I am fearful of what could happen to my young cousins and my possible future daughters... My heart and prayers go out for this child. I won't go into my rant about how everyone involved should have their balls chopped off with a rusty paper cutter and stuffed down their throats. (Well I guess I just did.) This was beyond animalistic, and I hope these folks know that karma is not going to be gentle with them.

There are so many things about this story that make me want to reach out and hurt someone. Besides the obvious horror of this story, there is something else that bothers me at this moment. This story is one of many things of late to make me believe that feminine sexuality is regarded so cheaply. Out of the 20 or so young men that stood around and watched this girl be so brutally assaulted, not one was compelled to help her? Not one could imagine how they would feel if this was their sister or their mother in that situation? What has happened, that these young men don't value a woman's sexuality?

In many ancient cultures, sexuality was considered a form of spirituality. It was not only a means of procreation or expressing love and attraction to a significant other. It was a a means of pleasing the gods, a form of worship of both the heavenly and the carnal. It was a symbol of being one. It represented love and life.

Today, for some reason, sexuality has taken on an ugly, sinister form. You see it stolen, exploited and denigrated. It makes one a target for attack and abuse. These things aren't new, but they are not as "unheard of" as they once were. And strangely, this may partly be of our own doing. (Let me stop right here and not that I am NOT one of those "blame the victim" type people. That is not even what this is about. Besides, nothing she could have done would have justified what happened to her.)

Have we as women actually contributed to the fact that our society sees sex and especially our sexuality as a common commodity to be used and abused at will? For example, are the women we refer to as "video hos" affecting how we all are seen? I never thought much about how women are portrayed in the media. I figured "These actresses/models/video vixens/porn stars/whatever are grown women, so they can do what they want. It doesn't affect me anyway." However, as I get older I'm starting to rethink that. True, they do have a choice as to whether they will allow themselves to be portrayed in a certain manner, and I've never been a proponent of censorship & whatnot. But could it be that being constantly bombarded by these images and ideas has reduced us to our pussies in the eyes of some of these boys? I sometimes wonder if the man who raped me couldn't take me not saying "yes" because he was so used to images of women who never say "no."

And maybe it's not just the media. Can a woman be proud of her sexuality and not be considered cheap? I am one of very few women I know who-despite my experience and despite the way I was raised-is not uptight about sex. I have no problems expressing what I like, sharing pointers with others, bouncing new ideas off mixed company. However, I never felt like doing so could possibly be giving off a signal that, for whatever reason, it shouldn't be respected. We as women shouldn't have to hide our sexuality or act as if we're ashamed of it. It's a natural part of us. But does being upfront with it cause it to be less respected? If not, what does? And if so, how could that be rectified?

Of course I don't have the answers, and I may be the only one with these questions, but I'm putting it out there anyway... More on this upon my return.

Note: I'm still not quite back from my hiatus, but there was no way I was going to let this pass without speaking up about it.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

On Hiatus

There is a lot going on with me right now. Some good... Some not-so-great. I figured it would be best if I backed off of the blogs, Facebook, twitter, etc. for a while. Which will be difficult since I work on a computer every day. I'm still writing... A lot of it is kinda personal though. When I get back I'll share the stuff that's not too deep into Tori D and get back to writing things that (hopefully) someone else is interested in besides me!
Au revoir !

Monday, October 12, 2009

So it's Columbus Day...

But ummm, really, what are we celebrating? (Or they, since I'm not celebrating anything but another Monday at work)

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Shoe Porn: Christian Louboutin

I'm not a label-whore, but every now and then I get stuck on a particular brand or shoe. Some may call it "obsession" but I consider it simply admiring the work of the creator. When I get enamored with shoes that I know I can't afford (yet) I treat them much like I would a fine-ass celebrity: fawn over them, collect pictures of them looking delicious, imagine myself butt-naked in bed with them... (What, too much?)

Anyway, such is the case with the latest object of my affection: Louboutin.
I didn't even bother finding the prices for these. Nope, instead I'd just rather focus on the possibilities...