Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Looking Back

For the past couple of days I've been thinking about something that was said on Sunday in my class. The lesson was about complaining and talked about the children of Israel leaving Egypt and complaining about the food. They disregarded the fact that they were slaves while in Egypt; they said (in her paraphrased words) "We had meat! We had onions!" Although they now had their freedom, they were hung up on the little things and letting those things blind them to what their real situation was.

She likened their situation to addiction, how many people struggle with staying clean and end up relapsing. I compared it to my own bad habit of looking back on past situations perhaps a bit more fondly than I should. Old jobs, being in school, past relationships, dead friendships... While I can usually attest to the not so great parts, the good times seem to just stand out.

Sure I used to leave work with a headache every night and didn't get paid squat, but remember how they used to always have food and the fun convos on IM? That was great...

No, I couldn't stand most of my teachers, hated going to class, and was a little miserable because didn't go into the major I wanted (it wasn't "safe"), but man, I miss the freedom of undergrad...

Yeah, our friendship has definitely waned as we've grown up & apart, but we used to kick it hard (back in elementary, middle and high school)!

I've got it bad when it comes to doing this with past relationships, one in particular. Although I have a great boyfriend now, there are aspects of that relationship I still look back on in a bit of a better light than I should. The fun times we had doing crazy stuff like street racing, him cooking me breakfast after my early class, bills being paid, having someone to go out with (even if it was on the low). Forget that I couldn't really see him whenever I wanted. Disregard the secrets and lies. Don't count the fact that it ended HORRIBLY. Never mind the fact that he wasn't MINE. I can't deny the awful aspects, but why do the good things stand out so much?

I'm trying to take her advice: be thankful for what once was (the growth that resulted & the deliverance from it) and look forward to something better.

No comments: