Originally posted on Myspace in September of 2008, but damn if I don't still feel the same way...
Current mood:
morose
Category: Religion and Philosophy
Current mood:
morose Category: Religion and Philosophy
this probably seems rambly or whatever (dunno if that's a real word) but whatever, gotta get it off my chest.
okay, so I have a dilemma... an inner conflict, if you will. I'm beginning to wonder if the things that I've been taught all my life is actually true. I'm questioning the teaching I've heard about God. not doubting his existence or anything like that, but just wondering if he really cares like they say. why would he even be bothered with the little things? I personally don't think he is, cuz I'm not seeing it in my life. and if he is as concerned as people make him out to be, why is it that some people get away with everything when they could care less about doing right while people who at least somewhat try to be right have to deal with so much? how come, even though I pay tithes & offerings & give those special offerings where they tell you God will bless you, but I can't even pay all of my bills? meanwhile, folks around me who ain't thinkin about giving God a tenth are doing way better than me. why do simple prayers go unanswered? but I'm supposed to think that he cares and loves me and wants me to be happy in him. why is it that I can feel so alone but believe that "He'll never leave me or forsake me." and then I'm supposed to get up and convincingly sing something that I'm doubting because I haven't experienced it myself...
honestly I'm kinda tired. tired of church, tired of listening to teaching from folks who either have never been where I am or refuse to admit it. maybe nothing is going right because I'm just not making it work. instead of waiting for God, maybe he's waiting on me. "God helps those who help themselves" may be true after all. as much as I would like to believe what I hear at church & what I sing in the choir, I'm doubtful cuz I can't see it for myself.
okay, so I have a dilemma... an inner conflict, if you will. I'm beginning to wonder if the things that I've been taught all my life is actually true. I'm questioning the teaching I've heard about God. not doubting his existence or anything like that, but just wondering if he really cares like they say. why would he even be bothered with the little things? I personally don't think he is, cuz I'm not seeing it in my life. and if he is as concerned as people make him out to be, why is it that some people get away with everything when they could care less about doing right while people who at least somewhat try to be right have to deal with so much? how come, even though I pay tithes & offerings & give those special offerings where they tell you God will bless you, but I can't even pay all of my bills? meanwhile, folks around me who ain't thinkin about giving God a tenth are doing way better than me. why do simple prayers go unanswered? but I'm supposed to think that he cares and loves me and wants me to be happy in him. why is it that I can feel so alone but believe that "He'll never leave me or forsake me." and then I'm supposed to get up and convincingly sing something that I'm doubting because I haven't experienced it myself...
honestly I'm kinda tired. tired of church, tired of listening to teaching from folks who either have never been where I am or refuse to admit it. maybe nothing is going right because I'm just not making it work. instead of waiting for God, maybe he's waiting on me. "God helps those who help themselves" may be true after all. as much as I would like to believe what I hear at church & what I sing in the choir, I'm doubtful cuz I can't see it for myself.
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