Monday, February 9, 2009

Am I Unhappy as a Big Girl?

I had to pose this question to myself today after reading a snide remark about my size. (After another person's rather unfunny joke about me being fat, someone else chimed in with "Your self confidence must be really high. I could never pull off your figure." smirk) I'm not sure if this was a thinly-veiled insult or a backhanded compliment from a dumb broad who just didn't think, but either way I was kinda hot. But why? I mean, it's not shocking that I'm a big girl, nor is it a surprise that people act like it's suuuuch a huge burden being anything over a size 8. And I do have pretty good self esteem, although it falters from time to time (like after these comments; they sent me straight to the vending machine for some Oreo comfort). So why am I bothered? What is the real motivation behind trying to lose weight? I've already admitted that health isn't it. Wouldn't anything else mean that I was unhappy with the way I am? I never thought the occasional lamenting over my gut or wishing this double chin away translated into some sort of self loathing, but maybe it does.... And if that's the case, would being smaller make me happy? Or would I still have body image issues?

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