Quote of the Day

Not a notable or inspirational quote. It's just special to me. It was a message from HWHNT & every time I thought about it today it made me smile ^_^

I miss and love you. Can't wait to be in your presence again. I miss your aura.

Is that not the freakin' sweetest?! He didn't point out the physical or say he missed the incredible sex (yeah, I just tooted my horn a little lol). But my aura. My very energy. Aah, that got me!

Never mind me, I'm all warm and fuzzy and mushy today. I'll work on being hard later.

You Mad?

Consider this a part 2 to "The Black Card."

Sometime over the weekend, the Sprite Step Off occurred. I don't know all the details about it because I'm getting old stepping hasn't been a major part of my Greek life, but I know it was a national competition and in advertisements it appeared to be strictly a D-9 event (meaning just the historically Black Greek Letter Organizations). So imagine the surprise and outrage by some of my fellow Greeks when a white sorority, Zeta Tau Alpha, not only entered, but WON over the other sororities. It's been a week full of "that was rigged," "why were they there" and "who do they think they are" on one side, and "they deserved it" and "stop being sore losers" on the other.

I haven't watched any of the videos from the competition (they're all over Youtube though), so this isn't about how well the white sorority did/didn't do in comparison to the black orgs. This is really to say, so now you mad? From what I've gathered, this group was taught how to step by members of a black sorority. And I've heard from Greeks who attended PWIs that they participated in "unity" events that involved NPHC orgs teaching Panhell orgs how to step. (Never heard of any kind of reciprocity, not that I'm surprised. Sidenote: I love my HBCUs!)

No doubt, when all this sharing and caring was going on, nothing was being taught about the origins of stepping and its significance. Hell, many D9 members can't tell you that themselves! But now that money was on the line and it was "stolen" by a white group, people want to be pissed about it. Why not be pissed enough to not participate in the aforementioned activities from jump? You can't give away your traditions and then yell "Whitey stole that from us just like everything else!" They can't steal what you hand over.

Why not be pissed enough to not commercialize our traditions? You got movies like Stomp the Yard and have Sprite sponsoring a national show, you think others won't pick it up? And if you know that many things are set against us, why help further tip the scales in their favor?

So for those who are mad, I'd love to know if you are mad at Sprite for allowing them in the show, ZTA for winning/stepping/existing/whatever, or fellow Greeks/yourself for giving away what was once a part of Black Greek culture, then resting on your laurels instead of stepping your game up.

"The Song I Sing"

I found out that someone I was once really close with has passed. He was really good people. We were never actually in a relationship, but I could count on him if I needed anything. He was the inspiration for one of my more, ummm, colorful poems. Laughed when I finally let him read it, said I wasn't really writing about him but he'd do all he could to make it apply. He was really good people. We drifted apart, hadn't talked in months. I kinda hate that now. Our last convo was one of those "let me hit you right back" things. I never did. I meant to... just never did. Always said I would, but since we weren't "like that" anymore I kinda let our friendship fall away.
I'm kinda rambling so I guess I should stop. Anyway, here is the poem he inspired. RIP friend.

There's so much i want to tell him
That i can never seem to put into words.
No matter how i scribble or sing or say them
But this is the song i sing for him
Lyricless love, a wordless hymn
Whenever he makes my body obey him
This is the song i sing for him
The song he never hears, will never recognize
Because he only hears it as uncontrolled moans and muffled cries
His pulse, his beat
Enough inspiration for me
To sing him the sweetest melody ever.
His highs and his lows are like a spiritual journey
I wanna thank God for blessing him so
Thank the ancestors for the infinite rhythm in his soul
Hell, i wanna thank his momma for having him
And his daddy for that stroke.
This is the song that i sing for him
In my head when he's whispering things in my ear
When he can't see my lips moving, saying nothing
But he feels me, he knows i'm calling his name
This is the song i sing
When he makes me have visions
In colors that i never even knew existed
This is the song i sing
When he's on top of me
Behind me
Inside me
This is the song i sing for him
When he leaves me breathless
Defenseless
Wide-eyed and senseless
When i'm speechless and can't say anything but
"Oh...
my...
God...."

Neglect

I've been neglecting this little piece of e-property lately. Right now there are six drafts on my dashboard, just waiting to be finished & posted. I used to be able to handle more than one thing at once, but that skill has been on the decline as of late. My focus recently has been on writing new poetry & pulling old poems for the book. What, y'all thought I was playing about getting published before I jump the broom? (Ain't like there's a rush or anything, since there will be no broom jumping soon, but hey...) Unfortunately, my muse has a one-track mind; I need all the inspiration for poetry I can get. Once that's over, I'll be back here more often. But while you wait, you can always check out my natural hair journey over at The Good Hair Diaries. Or follow me on tha twittah :)

I'm not giving up anything for Lent.

And that's okay.

That plus the drinking, fornicating, profanity, anger issues, etc. probably makes me a "bad Christian." But I just don't get the point of it.

Am I supposed to be closer to God if I give up drinking coke? Will I be spiritually stronger if I give up Twitter? Why can't I give up work for Lent?

I understand fasting, denying yourself in order to attain a type of oneness with the Almighty, but I don't think it makes a difference if I'm still doing all the other things that are supposedly wrong. And if I'm giving up "bad" things, does it matter that I did it when I go right back to it? For instance, if I gave up sex it would be kinda pointless, because I'm gonna go get some the day after Easter. And since, according to the Bible, I'm not supposed to be doing that anyway, I dunno if that sacrifice (and OMG that would definitely be a sacrifice) even counts. It's all for naught. And if I'm just giving up something because it's tradition, what good does that do me? I'd rather feel an unction from the spirit to do something of this nature than to feel like I have to do it because everyone else around me is.

*shrugs* But I'm not right anyway, so what do I know?

Just pray for me :)

The Black Card

No, I'm not talking about the AmEx (or is it Visa/MasterCard/Discover? I'm not even "baller" enough to know which is the status symbol ) with the unlimited spending power.

I'm talking about the ambiguous mythological "black card" or "black pass" that is constantly being turned in or revoked amongst ourselves (black people) and issued to non-blacks. Yesterday during "Mayergate" (if you missed it you didn't miss much) @TweetMeBlack had this to say:

We are the only race of people that are FOREVER trying to award people w/
blackness... I've never had an asian, white, award me w/ theirs.



Especially when most times these hood & nigger passes are handed out to
whites for ridiculous behaviors! #Ugotarrested? #ublacknow

Interesting thought, no? What does it really say, the fact that we are willing to give away "blackness" and the reasons we cite for doing so? Of course, many people would say that someone of another race should feel "honored" to be given this "black pass" because it means that they are being accepted, embraced, yadda yadda yadda. I guess I can see what they are saying to an extent. Who wouldn't want to wear the badge of cool, power, and endurance known as BLACKNESS? (In reality, probably more than they'd imagine, but that's the thinking.) But come on, is that really all being black is? Of course not. And the things this pass is awarded for... You know the lyrics to all of Jay-Z's songs? You got multiple baby mommas/daddies? You got the "black girl" neck roll down to a T? You wear your pants off your ass? Whaaat, you speak ebonics, too?! Oh you're down! *in Oprah mode* You get a black card, and you get a black card, and you get a black card!

And what about those who feel the need to pull someone's black card? Members of our race who do not have certain "common" characteristics or don't fit the mold for what's considered Black (for example, Black Republicans) are said to have turned in their black card. I can't count the number of times I've had my black card revoked for random infractions, including not liking soul food or kool-aid, not knowing who certain "it" rappers were, talking "white" (since when does white equal proper? I missed the memo) and not living in the "hood."
Really, is that all it takes to be black or lose out on my blackness? Can I not value my heritage, where we as a people have come from and the contributions of those that look like me because of such frivolous issues? My black experience isn't black enough? These assumptions indicate that we are all a homogeneous people with stereotypical traits, do they not?
Yeah, okay... When I hit that glass ceiling in corporate America or get followed around the store I'm sure I'll be issued an immediate apology once I explain that I no longer have my black card...
I'd venture to say that those who are willing to give away "black cards" to others do not fully appreciate what it means to be black. I'd also state that they are not aware of the value of the ethnicity of the "recipient" of their gift. Think about it: could it be that you don't hear of "Chinese cards," "Jewish cards," etc. because of their love, respect and understanding of their heritage & culture. Of course I understand that we were not able to maintain our own culture as others has, but that's no excuse (and I know you know what excuses are).
I'm all for loving and embracing people of other races, cultures, etc. Open up, be "down" with one another, all that good stuff. But handing out "black cards"? Irrelevant and unnecessary.

"Superwoman"

It's a lil rough, I'll admit, but I think I kinda like it's roughness. That's how I feel right now. A but rough around the edges.

Today
Just for today
I’ll be superwoman
I’ll carry the load on my shoulders
Bear the weight of the world
Along with my burdens I’ll take on yours
As you so often ask me to do
I struggle under my own pressures and work
But don’t worry
Since you need me I’ll handle yours too
Without thanks or consideration
Or offer of reciprocity
When it comes to my own burdens
The load squarely falls on me
But that’s okay, right?
I mean, it’s only for today, right?
But I wake up every morning having to repeat this motto
I go as far as I can go
And then I have to go some more
And all the time I’m going
Damn if I know what I’m going for
I push
And push
Until finally I stall
Stagger under the weight of it all
And who is there to save me?
I look around , I see no one
Of course!
Why should I need saving?
I am the Strong Black Woman of mythological fame
Epic proportions
The lens that I’m viewed through is full of distortions
I’m weak if I seek assistance
Spoiled if I need attention
Self-centered if I want my works appreciated or mentioned
And then if I can’t take it
It’s just “that bitch is crazy”
And maybe I am a little off balance
But I’m only what you made me
By carrying your weights and my weights
Without assistance,
Daily
But that realization pains me
So I pull it together so that no one else sees
I suffer in silence
Cry when it’s just me
I have no super powers
Just the strength of a girl trying to carry her world in her hands
But today
Just for today
I’ll be superwoman.

Quote of the Day

Folks that know me know that although I know the Bible, I don't go around quoting scriptures too often. There are a couple of reasons for this. One reason is that I can appreciate and respect that other people may have other ways of worshipping (or not worshipping at all). Another is that I have no place to be trying to convince anyone to "get right" or anything like that. I mean, have you read through this blog? I've got my own ish to straighten out!

But I digress...

My point: There are some scriptures that, IMO, could be taken as motivation regardless of your belief. This is one of those scriptures:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true,
whatever is honorable,
whatever is just,
whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely,
whatever is commendable,
if there is any excellence,
if there is anything worthy of praise, think
about these things.
-Phil 4:8 (ESV)

I'm working on becoming a more positive person, and part of that is learning to not focus on obstacles that I face/have faced, but rather the opportunities to excel, better myself, & prove to myself that I can do and be more than anyone ever imagined. Funny thing is, I'm always encouraging others with this, but find it so difficult to apply it myself! (The phrase "Healer, heal thyself" comes to mind.) But I am making and will continue to make a conscious effort to keep my mind in "glass half full" mode... not to have my head in the clouds with unrealistic expectations, but to remember that good things can happen if I make them happen instead of just letting bad things happen to me.

So, what are you thinking about?