Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Planning My Life Around Myself

My last semester of grad school has started... and as usual, I'm not feeling it. Truthfully, I've felt like grad school was a mistake from the beginning. But I did it because it was part of "the plan" that my ex and I came up with. Do this little academic stint, then have the life we wanted together after I did my time. Now I'm sitting here wondering what changes for the better (or worse) would have come about if I'd followed my heart & mind and gone to Texas or Georgia like I planned when I planned.

Maybe I'd be married already.
Maybe I'd have gone straight into real estate and been super successful by now.
Or maybe I'd be broke and halfway crazy, crashing on a someone's couch. Who knows...

It's really futile to go over the shoulda, coulda, wouldas at this point. However, I find myself doing just that from time to time. And while I think it's incredibly sad that I let myself get so wrapped up in someone else that I neglected what I wanted & needed, it is a reminder to not put my needs on the backburner. Selfish? Yeah, I guess so. But why plan and live my life for people who may not even be around to see those plans come into fruition?

2 comments:

Execumama said...

I don't think it sounds selfish at all. It sounds like your journey took you to a space that will ensure that you remember to trust yourself and assert what feels right for you. That's great news. I believe in embracing the right to be about Self, because at the end of the day, that's who we have to face in the mirror.

So, will you be making any changes as your continue to plan your life?

Tori D. said...

I'm still contemplating moving out of state. It feels like there's nothing here for me, but I have so many ideas about improving things here that I just may have to stay.

And some changes work-wise are coming very soon... Big changes come December!