Monday, March 14, 2011

Houston, We Have a Problem

Saturday night, something shifted concerning my relationship. It seemed kinda minor at the time, but two days later and it's still bothering me.

Bartender and I were talking, and somehow the topic of foreigners came up in the convo. I don't really remember what he said, but I responded, "Oh my God, you sound like a friggin Tea Partier!"


"You sound like a Tea Partier!"

"Tea Partier? What do you mean?"

"You mean, you don't know about the Tea Party?"

"Yeah, I know about the Boston Tea Party when they threw the tea in the ocean, but it sounded like you meant some new party that took on that name."

"Umm yeah, I do!"

So then he gives the excuse that he's not really into politics. Neither am I, but dang, they've been everywhere since President Obama has been in office! Then he said he doesn't watch the news. At all. I side-eyed the hell outta him. I've never thrown shade so hard at a significant other who was still a significant other. I refrained from asking him if he was aware of the earthquake and tsunami that happened in Japan the day before, or the recent uprisings in Egypt and Libya. My head and heart couldn't take it.
because O_O and O_o aren't even enough for this one
I'm guilty of not being as aware of some of the things that go on in the world because I don't like watching the news either, but I do watch it at least once a day. And I'm reading news articles throughout the day at work, when I'm not blogging/tweeting/doing side work instead of actually working. I keep up if for no other reason than the fact that I don't want to be left out and looking stupid when others are discussing current events. Plus, I realize that I need to know what's going on and how I may be affected.

Why doesn't he get that?! And how the heck did I miss this before falling for him? Am I one of those stupid smart women who go through that whole "love is blind" crap?

So now I'm stuck in a quandary. Do I let it go or what? Even though it doesn't seem like much, apparently to my subconscious this is a big deal. Otherwise I wouldn't still be peeved about it. Then again, maybe it's just much ado about nothing. After all, it's not like he's stupid. Our discussions of history and philosophical conversations are great; however, willful ignorance is never attractive. And speaking of attraction, being able to discuss and debate issues with an SO is so sexy to me! That mental stimulation translates to sexual stimulation for me (which is why I'm careful who I debate LOL) and that's missing... So if/when the physical attraction wears off, then what? Yeah we share the same humor and have a good time together, but is that enough?

When he saw how dismayed I was with his lack of concern about the world--or even the country--at large, he said, "I guess I need to change that huh?" -_- Sir, you are ten years my senior. You are the proverbial old dog that cannot be taught new tricks. Besides, if the change is only for me, there are three possible outcomes: A: you revert back because you weren't interested in the first place; B: you end up resenting me; or C: both.

This whole little incident made me wonder if we could truly fit into each other's lives as well as we think we do. Could he really fit in and hold his own with my colleges when I'm at dinner parties and charity events of various orgs? (I'm thinking about the future right now y'all.) Would he even want to? And even though I'm used to him and his ways, how much of the IDGAF attitude could I take? How long would it be before his hood friends rubbed me the wrong way? Or worse yet, what if they rubbed off on me and caused me to make missteps career-wise?

I know I can't have it all, so I'm trying to push out the thought of "he'd be perfect if..." After all, I'm sure he has some "ifs" about me too. But the real issue is figuring out what's important enough to walk away over, and what's small enough to overlook. Right now, I really don't know which one this is.

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