Wednesday, January 12, 2011

On Marriage: An Epiphany

This? Eh... eventually.
I've realized something that I guess I hadn't really thought about recently. It wasn't a slap-me-upside-the-head a-ha moment... just a subtle realization.

I've always had this time line in mind about when I wanted to be married and possibly start a family. I wanted to be married by 25. I figured that if I decided to have kids, this would allow my husband and I about three years together, just the two of us. Pop the first kid out at 28, second at 29 or 30. Tubes tied at 31. Ya like how nice and neat I had that worked out, don't you?

But here I am, a few months shy of 26, and I've discovered that I'm okay with the fact that life has not gone according to my plans. In fact, not only am I okay with it, but I would be okay with not getting married until sometime in my 30s. I have so much I want to do right now, things that will require my time and attention over the next couple of years. And while I know it's possible to do the things I want to do while married, I don't think I want to. Instead, devoting myself fully to seeing my dream come to life is what appeals to me. Then I can make that lifelong commitment to my husband. And I've already pretty much settled in my mind that I won't be having kids. Although I had a laundry list of reasons not to have them, I said if the right guy came along in time, I'd be open to it. Well that window has passed! LOL Which means there's even less of a rush to get married.

Of course, if Mr. Right came along today and soon wanted to make me Mrs. Right, I wouldn't fight it. Like I said, it's not impossible to pursue my career goals and be in a serious, committed relationship. And yes, there is a little lingering fear about potentially missing out on marriage all together since this seems to be the ideal age to do it. But... it is what it is. Whenever it happens, should it happen, I'll be okay. Even if it's not today.

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