Traveling with Tori D.

Should any of you ever have the pleasure of vacationing with me, you'd do well to know before hand the rules of engagement. So without further ado:

1. PROPER PLANNING PREVENTS PISS POOR PERFORMANCE
   I am not a "go with the flow" person when it comes to traveling. I want to know well in advance where I'll be laying my head, how I'll be getting there, and a general idea of what I'll be doing so I can pack clothes accordingly. If you are not like that, we may have some problems. The best thing you can do is let me know up front that you suck at planning so I can take care of things myself. But doing stuff like waiting until the day I'm supposed to leave to tell me that the hotel isn't taken care of even though you said you'd do it? Baaaaaad business, my friend. (Plus, that gets over into the issue of trust  honesty & basically breeds a whole lot of resentment.)
2. KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CAN "BALL"
   Maybe you can't ball at all. That's fine. Usually I can't ball either, but when I travel (going back to rule #1) I save money in the months prior to the trip. I scrounge up a few dollars here and there, managing not to spend everything I have. It's just proper planning people! So please don't go somewhere with me if you've got champagne dreams and a beer budget! Now if we doin' beer things & the beer budget is all that's needed, cool. But going somewhere damn near broke? Naaahhhhh, cuz that means you expect me to cover for ya ass. In fact...
3. I DON'T GOT YOU, AND NO YOU'RE NOT GOOD FOR IT
   The bank of Tori D is closed! Run out of business by folks taking out loans and not repaying them! So I can't be the one playing Captain Save 'Em if you're rolling with me. If you don't have enough to eat you'll just be hungry until you get home. If you don't have enough to shop you'll be souvenir-less. If you don't have enough to get back I hope you can find a job & settle in there. My apologies to any future friends who would actually be true to their word & pay me back, but I'm not taking that risk anymore. Shame that one person ruins things for everyone!
4. SOMETIMES, I NEED ME TIME
   Yes, I just need a break from people from time to time. Even on vacation. I'll be okay, you don't have to be all up on me at every turn. I won't go too far. I'll come back in a better mood once I just have a few minutes with no one but me, myself & I. That being said...
5. TRUE TRAVEL BUDDIES DON'T LET OTHER ROAM A STRANGE CITY ALONE... ESPECIALLY NOT AT NIGHT!
   I mean, do I really have to explain this?! The level of unconcern that shows will automatically get you kicked out of the circle of trust. We operate on the buddy system here!
6. DON'T EXPECT ME TO SIT IN A HOTEL ROOM
   Look, I can sit up and watch TV at home, for free! Why would I want to go to another city just to do the same thing? Especially a city I've never been to, and especially if it's a city known for its night life! If you're that much of a homebody, why even bother going on a trip? Have yourself a staycation and be through with it. Don't bother traveling with me!
7. IF WE'RE BUNKING TOGETHER, BE CONSIDERATE
   That means bring air freshener if you know the bathroom is a toxic dump after you're done with it. Try not to get your random body hairs everywhere. Go see a doctor about that sleep apnea (or at least warn a sista so I can get some earplugs). Yanno, the little things.

Alright, I think that's it. See, I'm not a hard person to vacation with! I just wanna make sure I'm having fun just like everyone else. So who wants to go on a trip? I'm taking applications for next year now so that we'll have time to go through the screening process.... LOL