National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day

image courtesy of theredpumpproject.org

"I don't want to know."

"Ignorance is bliss."

"If I have it, there's nothing I can do about it."

There are plenty of excuses one could give for not knowing their status, but none of them are plausible. Knowing your status is a vital part of the fight against HIV/AIDS, and we as women cannot afford to turn a blind eye to it. Women, especially minority women, are disproportionately affected by this horrible disease. Want proof?

Every 35 minutes, a woman tests positive for HIV in the United States. Though much progress has been made in the areas of HIV/AIDS prevention and treatment, women still represent 27 percent of all new AIDS diagnoses, with African-American women making up an overwhelming 66 percent of that number. In 2006, teen girls represented 39% of AIDS cases reported among 13–19 year-olds. Black teens represented 69% of cases reported among 13–19 year-olds; Latino teens represented 19%. (source*)

On Being a Woman

You may or may not know this, but March is Women's History Month. In fact, today is the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day, "a celebration of the economic, political and social achievements of women past and present that is observed around the world." It is great that women everywhere are taking time to recognize and honor the achievements of other women, great and small.

I have been blessed to be surrounded by strong women who make great strides daily. Of course there's my mother: her high school counselor didn't even present college as an option, however she went, excelled, and is now over the accounting department in on of the state's largest agencies. My big momma, who worked tirelessly for years to provide not only for her children and grandchildren, but for countless nieces, nephews, cousins and neighbors. My twin cousin, who is pursuing her Master's in a field where women (especially Black women) haven't been prominent for very long: engineering. And my broker, who at less than 10 years my senior is living the dream I want--owning my own real estate firm.

Aunts, cousins, sorors, family friends... The caliber of women I am around astounds me!

There are constant reminders that being a woman is not synonymous with being weaker, less capable, or more vulnerable. Proof that a woman's worth is not in her womb. At this point in my life I have come to truly appreciate the duality that I am afforded by being a woman. My soft, feminine, nurturing side is just as appreciated and celebrated as the traditionally "masculine" traits and interests. My hope is that others around me, especially the girls in my life, will see something in me that makes them proud to be a woman as well.

Angry Black Woman, Pt. II

(Yes, I know that Part I hasn't been posted yet; I'm still working on that one! But I felt like writing this ASAP and didn't quite fit into where I was going with the other post. And I also know I could've made this Part I and the other Part II, but I don't wanna...)

I know we've all heard about the stereotypical Angry Black Woman. The neck-rolling, loud-talking, dare-you-to-get-outta-line types. The "I wish a muthafucka would" black woman.





I've read different blogs and various comments here and there about how black women's attitudes are driving black men into the arms of women of other races. Now, I won't even get into how pathetic a man would have to be to let encounters with a few women make him write off a whole race of women. Nor will I get into how offended I'd be if someone approached me thinking I must be docile (read: easy to control) just because I wasn't (insert whatever ethnicity here).





If someone happens to find love outside of their own race, kudos. Love is hard as hell to find anyway, so they'd be doing better than me on that tip. But men, please know, just because your woman isn't black doesn't mean she can't go off. I mean, remember Fatal Attraction? Okay yeah, that was just a movie... not real life right? Cuz real life is the crazy astronaut lady. Real life is getting your balls mangled or your cock cut clean off. It's the ex burning down your wedding. It's (allegedly) being beat down with your own golf clubs. (No link necessary) And yes, it's getting your pet goldfish eaten.*

In conclusion, yes some black women may have a little edge to their attitude, but anyone can be crazy if they're pushed hard enough!


*Okay so I know there wasn't a picture or name to go off of, but c'mon... I refuse to believe this was a black woman... Nope, I refuse!

"20 present at gang rape": a case for the devaluation of female sexuality

Richmond, California (CNN) -- Investigators say as many as 20 people were involved in or stood and watched the gang rape of a 15-year-old girl outside a California high school homecoming dance Saturday night.
...

Two teenage suspects have been jailed, but more arrests, as many as 20 total, are expected, according to a police detective.
...

As many as 10 people were involved in the assault in a dimly lighted back alley at the school, while another 10 people watched without calling 911 to report it, police said.
....

Nineteen-year-old Manuel Ortega, described as a former student at the school, was arrested soon after he fled the scene and will face charges of rape, robbery and kidnapping, police said.

A 15-year-old was later arrested and charged with one count of felony sexual assault. A third teenager was being interviewed, Gagan said.

"Based on witness statements and suspect statements, and also physical evidence, we know that she was raped by at least four suspects committing multiple sex acts," Gagan said.

"As people announced over time that this was going on, more people came to see, and some actually participated," Gagan said. (source)

Being a rape victim, I am especially sensitive to stories like this. I'm saddened, sickened, and pissed the hell off. I am fearful of what could happen to my young cousins and my possible future daughters... My heart and prayers go out for this child. I won't go into my rant about how everyone involved should have their balls chopped off with a rusty paper cutter and stuffed down their throats. (Well I guess I just did.) This was beyond animalistic, and I hope these folks know that karma is not going to be gentle with them.

There are so many things about this story that make me want to reach out and hurt someone. Besides the obvious horror of this story, there is something else that bothers me at this moment. This story is one of many things of late to make me believe that feminine sexuality is regarded so cheaply. Out of the 20 or so young men that stood around and watched this girl be so brutally assaulted, not one was compelled to help her? Not one could imagine how they would feel if this was their sister or their mother in that situation? What has happened, that these young men don't value a woman's sexuality?

In many ancient cultures, sexuality was considered a form of spirituality. It was not only a means of procreation or expressing love and attraction to a significant other. It was a a means of pleasing the gods, a form of worship of both the heavenly and the carnal. It was a symbol of being one. It represented love and life.

Today, for some reason, sexuality has taken on an ugly, sinister form. You see it stolen, exploited and denigrated. It makes one a target for attack and abuse. These things aren't new, but they are not as "unheard of" as they once were. And strangely, this may partly be of our own doing. (Let me stop right here and not that I am NOT one of those "blame the victim" type people. That is not even what this is about. Besides, nothing she could have done would have justified what happened to her.)

Have we as women actually contributed to the fact that our society sees sex and especially our sexuality as a common commodity to be used and abused at will? For example, are the women we refer to as "video hos" affecting how we all are seen? I never thought much about how women are portrayed in the media. I figured "These actresses/models/video vixens/porn stars/whatever are grown women, so they can do what they want. It doesn't affect me anyway." However, as I get older I'm starting to rethink that. True, they do have a choice as to whether they will allow themselves to be portrayed in a certain manner, and I've never been a proponent of censorship & whatnot. But could it be that being constantly bombarded by these images and ideas has reduced us to our pussies in the eyes of some of these boys? I sometimes wonder if the man who raped me couldn't take me not saying "yes" because he was so used to images of women who never say "no."

And maybe it's not just the media. Can a woman be proud of her sexuality and not be considered cheap? I am one of very few women I know who-despite my experience and despite the way I was raised-is not uptight about sex. I have no problems expressing what I like, sharing pointers with others, bouncing new ideas off mixed company. However, I never felt like doing so could possibly be giving off a signal that, for whatever reason, it shouldn't be respected. We as women shouldn't have to hide our sexuality or act as if we're ashamed of it. It's a natural part of us. But does being upfront with it cause it to be less respected? If not, what does? And if so, how could that be rectified?

Of course I don't have the answers, and I may be the only one with these questions, but I'm putting it out there anyway... More on this upon my return.


Note: I'm still not quite back from my hiatus, but there was no way I was going to let this pass without speaking up about it.

Forced to Be Fat

I came across this article today that seriously broke my heart. It's about young girls in Mauritania being sent of to "camps" to be force-fed and fattened so that men would find them attractive (a process known as leblouh). Girls as young as seven, being forced to eat between 14,000 and 16,000 calories a day. Let's put that into perspective: An adult male bodybuilder usually eats 4000 calories a day.

Even worse than the fact that this practice is extremely unhealthy, it is abusive! From the article:

Tijanniya chokes down the thick gruel — she has no choice. An older woman dressed in pink robes threatens to beat her with a long cane if she refuses. Worse, if she throws up, the woman will make her eat her own vomit.... How do small girls eat these gargantuan amounts of food? "I'm very strict," boasts Elhacen. "I beat the girls, or torture them by squeezing a stick between their toes. I isolate them and tell them that thin women are inferior." Desert settlements like this 1000-strong farming community with no electricity or running water are popular spots for leblouh because there are no distractions and no easy ways to escape. But Elhacen denies that her work amounts to child cruelty. "No, no, it's for their own good," she almost shrieks. "How will these poor girls find a husband if they're bony and revolting?"

What disgusts me the most is the fact that this society as a whole supports young girls going through such a degrading, unhealthy practice in the hopes of getting a man. As the author states, it's like our obsession with thinness in reverse. It's sad that these women, as well as women here and in many other countries I'm sure, feel that who and what they are is inferior. It's sad that we feel we have to alter who we are, inside and/or outside, just to be "acceptable" and to be loved. And it's heartbreaking to think that the cycle of damaging young girls' self-esteem just to get a man will more than likely continue.

You Will Never Be Like the Chicks in the Magazines

And that's fine. Neither will they.

Randomness: Because I'm a bit scatterbrained, and that's okay...

1. I will admit, I am not the most proactive or creative person when it comes to addressing social issues. (Shocking, I'm sure) However, I am all for getting involved and supporting whatever endeavor I can. That being said, I am asking everyone to support my fellow blogger, JG over at One Fourth Random. She is raising money through December 25 to donate computers to her local library in Atlanta. (Read all about it here.) Now if I can donate something with my meager little income, surely you can! It only takes a second to do, and you'll be helping a good cause.



I'll leave this widget up at the bottom of the page, so you can come through and donate at any time! I'm sure she (and the children she's helping) will really appreciate it. And hopefully this will inspire others to get involved in their community in some way and make a difference.

2. Really random, I know, but I love this commercial!

The Queen looks absolutely beautiful (hair, makeup, clothing, the whole nine!) and Usher looks delicious. ^_^ That's really all I have on that...

3. A new career possibility has come up and I'm kinda excited about it! I won't go too much into it, but it would give me a base for one of the non-profits that I want to start as well as pad my own pockets pretty nicely... More on that as it comes.... But if I got this opportunity, I may end up moving to the city where one of my exes is and that could go either way. We've kinda talked and I'm anxious to see what--if anything--comes of it. Of course, I know I said I would use this time to focus on me, and I am. Besides, it would be at least several months before I would be out there. But I've been listening to his music (Google is the debbil y'all, I swear) and feel myself melting, like "This is what did it in the first place..." And before anyone thinks it, NO I would not be going out there for him! There are two other cities of interest where I could end up... This is just my first choice....

4. Speaking of music, I have definitely hit a sweet spot! Writer's block what? I feel like I'm not even writing really; the songs are just jumping out AT ME! I love it! I've come to realize something: I could never be an R&B artist. Although I've never really tried to classify my music, I know it doesn't fit the usual formula for popular R&B today. It has more of a jazzy/neo-soul type feel to it. And I'm definitely okay with that! (Plus, I don't dance. *shrug*)

5. To end, you know I have to get in a quote or two. These are courtesy of Anais Nin.

“How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.”

“I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger than reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn't impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

This is a topic that especially touches me because it has impacted both sides of my family, which of course increases my chances for having the disease. My Big Momma has survived this awful disease. My maternal grandmother and one of my aunts were not so lucky. It's something that I try not to think of too much. Instead, I focus on ways I can help contribute to finding a cure. Since I'm no scientist and have no idea what causes or cures this disease, I do what is in my power to do. I try to spread as much information about the disease as possible. I participate in events that help bring awareness to this issue and donate money to help find cures and provide treatment for those who have already been diagnosed. I urge all women to take the time to do those monthly check-ups! If you're like me, you play with the girls regularly anyway; make it fun AND useful!

Seriously ladies, know the facts. Breast cancer is the second leading cause of cancer-related deaths in women and 7th-leading cause overall. An estimated 192,370 new cases of invasive breast cancer are expected to occur among women in the U.S. in 2009. An estimated 40,170 women will die.

The issue is even worse for black women. Although breast cancer has typically not been as common in black women, young black women who do have breast cancer are more likely to have a deadlier form of the disease. It is known as Triple-negative breast cancer and is more aggressive and harder to treat. Although this has been known for a few years, it has not been determined whether it is genetics or something that black women are "more prone to be around" that would expose us to this. It is also important to note that most diagnoses of breast cancer are made after menopause, the disease may develop as early as the 20s. So it is especially important that we are vigilant in our efforts to know our bodies and our boobies, and get those annual screenings.

Do your part! Participate in breast cancer walks, give donations to support breast cancer research, and make yourself and your loved ones aware of the risks.

Sites with more info, places to donate, and items for sale (proceeds go to cancer research):
CDC: Breast Cancer
American Cancer Society
Susan G. Komen
Yahoo! Health Breast Cancer Center
National Breast Cancer Awareness Month
The Breast Cancer Site
Save The Tatas

Quote of the Day

I've seen this quote before and liked it immediately. However, I'd kinda forgotten about it until I saw someone tweet it the other day...

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm,
she will give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a
home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a
smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to
her. So if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

A Slice, A Half, A Whole

This morning, while I was supposed to be getting ready for work, I was on Twitter doing my usual routine of "Good morning," responding to my missed replies, etc. I saw that one of my girls re-tweeted something from Rev. Run, and it got me to thinking.

@BlackBeauty85 RT @RevRunWisdom: 1 lady said about her husbands long wrk hrs.“I'd rather have a slice of a gr8 man than the whole of an average man” (wrk!)

@BlackBeauty85 RT @RevRunWisdom: REFUSE TO BE AVERAGE!!!

While I definitely co-sign the rejection of being average (to me that's just a polite term for mediocre) I don't know whether I can completely agree with the first tweet. I responded:

@KittyPurrfecta Of course, having the whole great man would be great, or at least half. If you only have a slice, is that enough to be satisfied? Hmmm....

I understand what the quote was supposed to mean, and to a point I agree. I would much rather a man work hard to help provide for his family than to barely work or have a lazy attitude when he needs to have drive and initiative. That just would not do, and that type of man wouldn't last long enough with me to even think about marriage.

However, I am a bit selfish. (I blame it on my condition: onlychildism.) When I have something or someone truly great, I want it all to myself! Of course, I realize I can't have my way all the time and at some point I have to share. And I'm okay with that. You can't and shouldn't attempt to contain greatness. I understand. I would be willing to support him in any way I could. But I should be content with a slice? Naw, homie, I don't think that's gonna work!

Here's what I think of when I think of having a "slice" of a man:

• Having a man that puts work before family



• Him not truly being "at home" even when he's physically there at home (example: not being able to talk to me because he is so wrapped up in talking to colleagues & handling business, even though he's "off work")



• Barely seeing him in passing



• Him not being willing to put other things on hold for just a while to spend time with me/his family



• Him using the majority of his time, attention, passion and money elsewhere

I know where some of you all went when you read this. "Well what about Michelle? I'm sure she doesn't get to spend time with Barack like she wants to, blah blah blah." Guess what? Although I'm fabulous and a great woman in my own right, I am not Michelle! I'm Tori D. and I need attention!

No, I don't plan on being one of those wives who basically sit around all day waiting to dote on their husbands. With the career that (I think) I'm going to pursue, I'm sure I will be working long hours at times too. Be that as it may, I'll be working those long hours so that I can have a couple weeks out of the year to travel, spend time with hubby, family and friends. I'm working to live, not living to work. If I have this "slice of a great man" will I be able to say the same thing about him? What's the point of being able to travel to exotic locales and whatnot if I don't have my partner with me? All I'll be thinking about is the fact that I'm in a new, romantic place and not getting any. That's when the eyes start to wander.... (Just being honest folks! lol)

So I can settle for half of a great man. Still better than a whole average man, in my opinion. With that half a great man, maybe we can take one two-week long vacay a year instead of a week-long one every three or four months. (Yes, I really planned on doing that.) Instead of having dinner together every day, it'll just be on Sundays and occasionally a Saturday. I may not be able to have him with me on every special occasion or every event that the kids have, but with half of a great man at least I can have anniversaries, maybe birthdays... And best of all, unlike with a "whole average man," I still get my space when I need it and won't be made to feel as guilty when I spend longer than I planned in the office or out with clients.

But a slice of a man? Oh no. For me, that slice is about as useless as that pie chart, and probably just as frustrating and difficult to understand.