National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day

image courtesy of theredpumpproject.org

"I don't want to know."

"Ignorance is bliss."

"If I have it, there's nothing I can do about it."

There are plenty of excuses one could give for not knowing their status, but none of them are plausible. Knowing your status is a vital part of the fight against HIV/AIDS, and we as women cannot afford to turn a blind eye to it. Women, especially minority women, are disproportionately affected by this horrible disease. Want proof?

Every 35 minutes, a woman tests positive for HIV in the United States. Though much progress has been made in the areas of HIV/AIDS prevention and treatment, women still represent 27 percent of all new AIDS diagnoses, with African-American women making up an overwhelming 66 percent of that number. In 2006, teen girls represented 39% of AIDS cases reported among 13–19 year-olds. Black teens represented 69% of cases reported among 13–19 year-olds; Latino teens represented 19%. (source*)

Happy Black Girl Day!

I am a feminist, and what that means to me is much the same as the meaning of the fact that I am Black: it means that I must undertake to love myself and to respect myself as though my very life depends upon self-love and self-respect.
June Jordan

Per SistaToldja over at The Beautiful Struggler, every second Wednesday is Happy Black Girl Day. I love this idea! Of course I strive to be happy everyday (who doesn't?), but it's easy to let negativity drain us of that. And for Black women, that could be compounded by all the bad news we're faced with constantly regarding our relationships, careers, appearance, health, socio-economic status... hell, our humanity!

So once a month we (those that participate in HBGD, especially on Twitter) make a concerted effort to focus on the positive aspects of ourselves, our communities, whatever makes us happy. So are a few things (in no particular order) that are making me happy RIGHT NOW:

-It's almost lunch time! (Don't judge me!)
- I am thismuchcloser to my real estate career & I'm making connections for my nonprofit!
- HWHNT's comments last night (he fussed cuz I put him on blast last time, so I've been sworn to secrecy about what was said LOL)
- Learning my hair & inspiring others to go natural
- This incredible lipstick (MAC Slimshine in Lovey-dove). I thought I couldn't wear it since it's an odd copper-y color, but it works sooo well with my chocolate skin!
- The positive black female role models in my life: mom, grandmother, aunts, cousins, sorors--proof that there is more to the Black woman than the stereotypical mammy, jezebel & welfare queen!
- It's warming up! True, it's perfect tornado weather but we're just gonna ignore that for now

Okay, most of that is superficial I know. But I have to say the number one thing that makes me happy is the fact that I'm learning to be my own woman. Regardless of what's popular, what's conventional, what I've been told, I'm learning to listen to myself. I feel we all have an inner compass that will guide us down the path we're destined for, but how many people fail to take heed to it? Instead they end up at a place in life that they never intended on visiting. Fortunately I am starting to listen, learning how to follow my own voice. I'm not remaining stagnant; I'm growing and maturing. And that makes me very happy.



BTW, if you don't have a reason to be happy, let me give you one:

Seriously, who ISN'T happy looking at this adorable face?

"Superwoman"

It's a lil rough, I'll admit, but I think I kinda like it's roughness. That's how I feel right now. A but rough around the edges.

Today
Just for today
I’ll be superwoman
I’ll carry the load on my shoulders
Bear the weight of the world
Along with my burdens I’ll take on yours
As you so often ask me to do
I struggle under my own pressures and work
But don’t worry
Since you need me I’ll handle yours too
Without thanks or consideration
Or offer of reciprocity
When it comes to my own burdens
The load squarely falls on me
But that’s okay, right?
I mean, it’s only for today, right?
But I wake up every morning having to repeat this motto
I go as far as I can go
And then I have to go some more
And all the time I’m going
Damn if I know what I’m going for
I push
And push
Until finally I stall
Stagger under the weight of it all
And who is there to save me?
I look around , I see no one
Of course!
Why should I need saving?
I am the Strong Black Woman of mythological fame
Epic proportions
The lens that I’m viewed through is full of distortions
I’m weak if I seek assistance
Spoiled if I need attention
Self-centered if I want my works appreciated or mentioned
And then if I can’t take it
It’s just “that bitch is crazy”
And maybe I am a little off balance
But I’m only what you made me
By carrying your weights and my weights
Without assistance,
Daily
But that realization pains me
So I pull it together so that no one else sees
I suffer in silence
Cry when it’s just me
I have no super powers
Just the strength of a girl trying to carry her world in her hands
But today
Just for today
I’ll be superwoman.

Don't Believe the Hype!

I didn't want to do this post. I didn't wanna address the Single Black Woman "problem"/"epidemic"/"phenomenon" or whatever the media is calling it today. But it's all around me so as the topic of discussion I feel I should have my say.

Why does it seem like the whole world has been on a "po' black woman aint neva gon' git married" tip lately? ("Lately" being the last year, at least) Everyone is throwing around stats about how many black men are in jail, gay, won't date black women or don't have anything past a college education, leaving aaallllll the poor black women without a man. 71% of us are single, 42% of us have never married, 50% of us are never getting married and might as well start stocking up on cats now, 3% of us may be able to get a man of another race, 100% are desperate for a man!

There's a phrase people love: "Men lie, women lie, numbers don't." Well there's another phrase out there too: "There are lies, damned lies, and statistics." Stats can be used to prove or disprove anything, depending on how the questions are asked and how numbers are skewed. So yes there are a lot of "single" black women. How many are single because they don't believe in the institution of marriage or just don't want to be tied down? How many are not interested in men at all? How many are not married but in serious committed relationships? Yeah there are plenty of numbers floating around out there, but ladies and gentlemen, please don't believe the hype!

All of the attention around this issue has lead to a lot of "discussion," i.e., finger pointing. On both sides. Black women saying the reason the majority of us are single is because Black men don't have their shit together. Black men saying we're single because we're too independent/controlling/bitchy/whatever. Others sitting back watching, saying "Those Blacks just can't get it together." C'mon people! Drawing lines in the sand and doing battle is no way to solve any supposed problem we're facing, especially when the problem is "us" not getting together!

Instead of making generalizations and playing the blame game, how about we all take a look inwards. Think about what you as an individual need to work on. What you want from a mate and a relationship. What you've noticed in your previous relationships that didn't work and how you plan to make improvements & prevent it from occurring again. Erase preconceived notions about "black men blah blah blah," "black women blah blah blah" and take each encounter for what its worth, not as the end all be all as far as relationships.

Angry Black Woman, Pt. II

(Yes, I know that Part I hasn't been posted yet; I'm still working on that one! But I felt like writing this ASAP and didn't quite fit into where I was going with the other post. And I also know I could've made this Part I and the other Part II, but I don't wanna...)

I know we've all heard about the stereotypical Angry Black Woman. The neck-rolling, loud-talking, dare-you-to-get-outta-line types. The "I wish a muthafucka would" black woman.





I've read different blogs and various comments here and there about how black women's attitudes are driving black men into the arms of women of other races. Now, I won't even get into how pathetic a man would have to be to let encounters with a few women make him write off a whole race of women. Nor will I get into how offended I'd be if someone approached me thinking I must be docile (read: easy to control) just because I wasn't (insert whatever ethnicity here).





If someone happens to find love outside of their own race, kudos. Love is hard as hell to find anyway, so they'd be doing better than me on that tip. But men, please know, just because your woman isn't black doesn't mean she can't go off. I mean, remember Fatal Attraction? Okay yeah, that was just a movie... not real life right? Cuz real life is the crazy astronaut lady. Real life is getting your balls mangled or your cock cut clean off. It's the ex burning down your wedding. It's (allegedly) being beat down with your own golf clubs. (No link necessary) And yes, it's getting your pet goldfish eaten.*

In conclusion, yes some black women may have a little edge to their attitude, but anyone can be crazy if they're pushed hard enough!


*Okay so I know there wasn't a picture or name to go off of, but c'mon... I refuse to believe this was a black woman... Nope, I refuse!

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!

This is a topic that especially touches me because it has impacted both sides of my family, which of course increases my chances for having the disease. My Big Momma has survived this awful disease. My maternal grandmother and one of my aunts were not so lucky. It's something that I try not to think of too much. Instead, I focus on ways I can help contribute to finding a cure. Since I'm no scientist and have no idea what causes or cures this disease, I do what is in my power to do. I try to spread as much information about the disease as possible. I participate in events that help bring awareness to this issue and donate money to help find cures and provide treatment for those who have already been diagnosed. I urge all women to take the time to do those monthly check-ups! If you're like me, you play with the girls regularly anyway; make it fun AND useful!

Seriously ladies, know the facts. Breast cancer is the second leading cause of cancer-related deaths in women and 7th-leading cause overall. An estimated 192,370 new cases of invasive breast cancer are expected to occur among women in the U.S. in 2009. An estimated 40,170 women will die.

The issue is even worse for black women. Although breast cancer has typically not been as common in black women, young black women who do have breast cancer are more likely to have a deadlier form of the disease. It is known as Triple-negative breast cancer and is more aggressive and harder to treat. Although this has been known for a few years, it has not been determined whether it is genetics or something that black women are "more prone to be around" that would expose us to this. It is also important to note that most diagnoses of breast cancer are made after menopause, the disease may develop as early as the 20s. So it is especially important that we are vigilant in our efforts to know our bodies and our boobies, and get those annual screenings.

Do your part! Participate in breast cancer walks, give donations to support breast cancer research, and make yourself and your loved ones aware of the risks.

Sites with more info, places to donate, and items for sale (proceeds go to cancer research):
CDC: Breast Cancer
American Cancer Society
Susan G. Komen
Yahoo! Health Breast Cancer Center
National Breast Cancer Awareness Month
The Breast Cancer Site
Save The Tatas

Quote of the Day

If you are on Twitter, one person you should be following is @CoachBilal. I admit, I don't always agree 100% with everything he posts, but he will definitely make you stop and think. He provided today's Quote (or Tweet) of the Day:

@CoachBilal: SISTERS: U were BORN with UR HAIR DONE~
UR LIPS Come ALREADY LINED~
UR Cheeks & Skin Already GLOW~
U were Carved By The Infinite Beautician

Is that not beautiful? I think no further explanation is needed on this one :)

Some females make it hard for good women

After watching these two clips, I am almost speechless. This woman's stupidity is baffling to me. Just like usually a woman scorned becomes jaded, so do men. Women like this are poison. Harsh, but true. And I wouldn't be surprised if she was one of those females who always laments that there are no good (black) men out there. SMH Just watch.

I am a Part of the Problem... Sometimes

As much as I love my people, as much as I hate seeing negative images of our people, I've got to be honest. I am not 100% vigilant against all of the evil, negative stereotypes that the media puts out about blacks, women, or black women 24/7. I may never be 100% all the time. I doubt anyone is. Or, if they are, I couldn't deal with them. They would be pointing out the bigotry, hatred and lies constantly and my self-diagnosed adult ADD won't allow that.

But I digress.

My point is this. I can admit--neither proudly or ashamedly--that sometimes I am a part of the "problem." I watch Real Housewives of Atlanta. I watched Real Chance of Love (first season; I've gotten worn out on these dating shows). Although I may not watch BET (save when they show reruns of The Game) I will occasionally sit down to watch a Tyler Perry movie.

Know why? Sometimes I just want to be entertained, dammit. I laugh at crazy, stupid people regardless of their race. And yes, I will laugh at ig'nant black folks just like I laugh at ig'nant white, Asian, Latino, etc. folks. I'm an equal-opportunity asshole. Doesn't being the watch-person for all things racist and wrong get a bit tiresome? I'm not knocking it nor saying it's not important. Thing is, I deal with it daily. I'm well aware that things are not all kumbayah between everyone. But sometimes I want to escape; not deal with it when I'm not dealing with it.

In my opinion (and remember, this is just Tori D.'s word so it really doesn't count for much) watching a show doesn't reinforce stereotypes. The way you live, the way you act, the way you conduct yourself; these things determine whether you feed into the stereotype.
So although I would like to see more positive images of black women on television, I strive to be the positive image for those who watch me.

But this is just my lil opinion. What are your thoughts on the matter?

I'm Self-Hating because of my hair? Say What?!

As I mentioned yesterday and have probably said a time or two before here, I'm considering letting my relaxed hair grow out and wearing my hair natural. The majority of my line sisters are natural, which is what first prompted me to look into it. Now, I meet more and more Black women who are either transitioning or have been natural for a while.



While I have not made a decision about what I want to do just yet, I have been all over the net trying to gather information about transitioning, finding cute natural hairstyles, pros & cons of both relaxed & natural hair, etc. Although I have come across some helpful articles and e-associates that have answered questions, posted pics, and tried to convince me to let go of the creamy crack, I have also come across something else. Something disturbingly common. Something not so friendly from current naturalistas.



Site after site after site, I see black women bashing other black women who use perms. According to them, we can't accept ourselves the way God made us. We are trying to live up to a European standard of beauty. We've been brainwashed by The Man. We hate ourselves. Seriously, I have to hate myself because I don't currently wear my hair natural? Ummm, excuse me, but GTFOOHWTBS.



From what I'm seeing, some of these ladies are reacting to years of taunting--maybe even back to childhood--because they were called nappy-headed, etc. Now, although I'm not a part of the natural movement, I thought that many had come to embrace the term "nappy." "Happy to be nappy," "naptural," Nappy Roots. (Okay, I just threw the last one in there, but where did those guys go?) Although they--those that made the comments I am referring to--are claiming to be proud of who they are and perceive themselves to be blacker and stronger than their relaxed counterparts, they are doing the same thing that they've condemned others for: classifying and debasing others strictly on account of their hair. And considering they claim to love themselves and be confident in who they are, it seems they would let these "insults" roll off of their backs. But alas, we know everybody ain't what they say they are.

My biggest problem with those comments is that they lump all of us non-natural sistahs in a category and make broad assumptions. "They view natural hair as ugly... bad hair." They who? Don't feign to know how I feel just by the way I wear my hair. I have seen plenty of natural styles that made me completely jealous (simply because I know I don't have the patience to get my hair to the point it needs to be for intricate loc designs). And the condescending statements like, "They say they have perms to make their hair more manageable. Shouldn't you know how to manage your natural hair? It's what you were born with after all. Not that wanna-be white stuff." Pump ya breaks!! Most of the black women I know have had perms since they were little. I have had mine since I was about four or five years old. That means that before I was trying to manage anything about my look, my hair was relaxed, so how the hell would I just automatically know how to take care of natural hair? I would have to learn, just like I had to learn how to deal with my hair in its current state. So no, I shouldn't automatically know what to do with it. Thanks.

The final thing that ticks me off about this is the bold, broad, untrue belief that you cannot have healthy relaxed hair. In the words of B. Scott, "Bitch, boo, bye!" As I stated, I've had a perm for 20 years and guess what? My hair is long, strong and healthy! It's not simply having a perm that makes hair unhealthy, it's not knowing how to take care of it and doing any and everything to your hair. (Oddly enough, I really don't know how to take care of my hair for real for real. LOL Fortunately I come from a family of cosmetologist so I can get it taken care of properly and for the low!) The same would be true for those that are natural. Not everyone's hair can withstand the same things; so even natural hair can be damaged, brittle, dry, and yes even unmanageable if not cared for as it should be.

So, before I step off of my soapbox, let me say this. The way I wear my hair, much like the clothes I wear and my makeup if/when I choose to wear it, is a matter of personal choice. That means that for whatever reason, it makes me happy, and that reason could be completely different from what you THINK it is. As India.Arie sang, "I am NOT my hair," and that is true for all, whether natural, permed, bald, whatever! We get enough flack, insults and "curiosity" from others about our uniquely African features. I shouldn't have to deal with it from those who claim to embrace blackness so.

Quotes for Today

I'm being a little lazy right now, but I wanted to post something. So, here are a few quotes concerning being a black woman that I came across and wanted to share. More to come as I find them.

“But what of black women? . . . I most sincerely doubt if any other race of women could have brought its fineness up through so devilish a fire.” W. E. B. Du Bois

“Usually, when people talk about the "strength" of black women . . . . they ignore the reality that to be strong in the face of oppression is not the same as overcoming oppression, that endurance is not to be confused with transformation.” Bell Hooks

“I feel enormously blessed to be a successful black woman writer in this culture, but I have found my small fame, such as it is, to be very isolating... because I think that especially for black women, the more we rise from the bottom, the more we move and journey, the more we are the targets of the most brutal and vicious attacks.” Bell Hooks

“They say things like they don't want men opening doors for them anymore, and they don't want men lighting their cigarettes for them anymore. Big deal. Black women have been opening doors for themselves and lighting their own cigarettes for a couple centuries in this country. Black women don't quibble about things that are not important.” Wilma Rudolph

Today's Black Male/Female Dynamic: What's really going on?

This entry is in regards to something that I've noticed for a while, but failed to speak on previously. Maybe it was because I didn't want to see a problem, or possibly because I thought it was no big deal & that it wasn't that prevalent. However, recent events and observations have me rethinking that, so I have to talk about it.

IMHO, there seems to be a decline in the level of respect shown to black women by black men. (Now, before I go further, let me say that I am in no way saying that the level of respect for our males is up to par either; however, being that I am not on the receiving end of that, I cannot speak on it as I can this issue.) Some of the comments that I've heard & read from black men concerning black women are truly disconcerting. From crude, degrading and unwanted commentary concerning physical traits and sexuality, to actually assaulting (verbally AND physically) a woman for turning down advances... It makes one wonder what has taken place for so many of our young men to treat "their" women that way?

I question whether we, black women, have had a hand in this depletion of integrity in some of our men by not standing up for ourselves at the first sign of disrespect. And trust, this is not a case of someone pointing fingers. I know there have been times when things were said in my presence, about myself or about other women, that were out of line. I should have said something, let it be known that it wouldn't be tolerated. But I kept silent; even worse, sometimes I laughed just so I wouldn't cause a problem. Maybe I should have. Maybe someone should be willing to cause a problem to show what is and is not acceptable. Perhaps if someone had said, "That's not cool" and explained why, some young black man would think twice about the words he chooses to describe black women. If I'd done it, maybe I could have prevented something from being said or done by my male friends that another female found offensive.

And it could be that they are taking their cues from the way we treat each other. If we constantly tear down and berate each other, should we really be surprised when they do it? If we can't value ourselves, how can we expect them to do it for us? We should be more united than we are, which of course is easier said than done; but it's still necessary.

I am not absolving anyone of anything. Everyone has a decision to make as to their words, actions and attitudes. But the real question now--more important than the why of it all-- is what can we do about it?



There is so much more I want to say, but right now I just can't. There may be a Part II soon. I'd really like to hear feedback on this though.