Things You Shouldn't Do While Drunk

Yeah yeah, we all know you shouldn't drink & drive, and drunk dialing is a no-no. But I have a few other things (in no particular order) that you may wanna wait until you're sober to try...


1. Giving yourself a haircut.
When I did my BC, I was throwed! I'd finished off about a third of a bottle of wine & had several glasses of my new favorite drink (Ciroc red berry & papaya juice. You can thank me later). Needless to say, the cutting didn't go quite as expected (cut too much in some places, not enough in others). On top of that, I couldn't judge how much shampoo I needed... I rinsed my hair at least four times and still had a little left. Finally I said forget it & kept going w/ what I was doing. Fortunately it came out very cute but it probably could've been better if I wasn't blitzed.

2. Mani/pedis.
While in Miami I bought some very cute nail polish and couldn't wait to try them out. Now, I had gone to Wet Willies and had a Call a Cab. Someone should've taken everything from me. Phone, camera, and nail polish included. I really don't even remember doing my nails, but when I woke up the next morning, my left hand had red nail polish all over it. On the right hand, one coat of blue polish barely covered four of my nails, while the thumb remained bare. And my toes? Two of them had been polished red... over a deep purple polish that I'd chipped away. No bueno.

3. Tweeting.
Drunk dialing has never been a problem for me, and I've rarely drunk texted. But tweeting? Maaaaan oh man, that is a whole 'nother issue! I guess it's because I tweet so much that it's pretty much second nature to pic up my phone and go straight to Uber. When I've had a few though, the results are unpretty... Typos galore. And now that the Library of Congress is gonna be keeping record of all of those? I think I'm gonna need a designated tweeter.

4. Doing a presentation of any kind.
This one is from my sophomore year of college. One of my guy friends who I was crushing on was having a birthday party at a friend's house. I went & had several cups of vodka & ______ (I wanna say Hawaiian Punch for some reason). Long story short, I blacked out & can only go by the stories that my roommate told me and the huge knot on my forehead from bumping it against the toilet in my attempts to not upchuck all over myself... which I did. The next day I had a final in one of my business classes. Cool, no problem right? Well my generous professor decided that she would give the students who missed a presentation the opportunity to make it up. Guess who one of those students happened to be? Yours truly. I stood there rambling, still drunk, for what seemed like an eternity. Thank goodness I already had an A in that class, because after that my final grade slid to a B.

5. Walking around on a boat.
I was all disoriented on the cruise... Fortunately I don't get motion sickness... But ummmm yeah, don't do it. That's all I have to say about that!