I am a Part of the Problem... Sometimes

As much as I love my people, as much as I hate seeing negative images of our people, I've got to be honest. I am not 100% vigilant against all of the evil, negative stereotypes that the media puts out about blacks, women, or black women 24/7. I may never be 100% all the time. I doubt anyone is. Or, if they are, I couldn't deal with them. They would be pointing out the bigotry, hatred and lies constantly and my self-diagnosed adult ADD won't allow that.

But I digress.

My point is this. I can admit--neither proudly or ashamedly--that sometimes I am a part of the "problem." I watch Real Housewives of Atlanta. I watched Real Chance of Love (first season; I've gotten worn out on these dating shows). Although I may not watch BET (save when they show reruns of The Game) I will occasionally sit down to watch a Tyler Perry movie.

Know why? Sometimes I just want to be entertained, dammit. I laugh at crazy, stupid people regardless of their race. And yes, I will laugh at ig'nant black folks just like I laugh at ig'nant white, Asian, Latino, etc. folks. I'm an equal-opportunity asshole. Doesn't being the watch-person for all things racist and wrong get a bit tiresome? I'm not knocking it nor saying it's not important. Thing is, I deal with it daily. I'm well aware that things are not all kumbayah between everyone. But sometimes I want to escape; not deal with it when I'm not dealing with it.

In my opinion (and remember, this is just Tori D.'s word so it really doesn't count for much) watching a show doesn't reinforce stereotypes. The way you live, the way you act, the way you conduct yourself; these things determine whether you feed into the stereotype.
So although I would like to see more positive images of black women on television, I strive to be the positive image for those who watch me.

But this is just my lil opinion. What are your thoughts on the matter?

12 Things The Negro Must Do For Himself

Saw this on a couple of other sites and wanted to share and get opinions on it. After reading this I was anxious to learn more about the author. Click her name for some info via Wikipedia on her; I'm still looking up more.

by Nannie Helen Burroughs

(Circa Early 1900's)

1. The Negro Must Learn To Put First Things First. The First Things Are:
Education; Development of Character Traits; A Trade and Home Ownership.


The Negro puts too much of his earning in clothes, in food, in show
and in having what he calls 'a good time.' The Dr. Kelly Miller said, 'The
Negro buys what he WANTS and begs for what he needs.'

2. The Negro Must Stop Expecting God and White Folk To Do For Him What He
Can Do For Himself.

It is the 'Divine Plan' that the strong shall help the weak, but
even God does not do for man what man can do for himself. The Negro will
have to do exactly what Jesus told the man (in John 5:8) to do--Carry his
own load--'Take up your bed and walk.'

3. The Negro Must Keep Himself, His Children And His Home Clean And Make
The Surroundings In Which He Lives Comfortable and Attractive.

He must learn to 'run his community up'--not down. We can segregate
by law, we integrate only by living. Civilization is not a matter of race,
it is a matter of standards. Believe it or not--some day, some race is going
to outdo the Anglo-Saxon, completely. It can be the Negro race, if the Negro
gets sense enough. Civilization goes up and down that way.

4. The Negro Must Learn To Dress More Appropriately For Work And For
Leisure.

Knowing what to wear--how to wear it--when to wear it and where to
wear it, are earmarks of common sense, culture and also an index to
character.

5. The Negro Must Make His Religion An Everyday Practice And Not Just A
Sunday-Go-To Meeting Emotional Affair.

6. The Negro Must Highly Resolve To Wipe Out Mass Ignorance.

The leaders of the race must teach and inspire the masses to
become eager and determined to improve mentally, morally and spiritually,
and to meet the basic requirements of good citizenship. We should initiate
an intensive literacy campaign in America , as well as in Africa .
Ignorance--is a millstone about the neck of the race. It is democracy's
greatest burden. Social integration is a relationship attained as a result
of the cultivation of kindred social ideals, interests and standards. It is
a blending process that requires time, understanding and kindred purposes to
achieve.. Likes alone and not laws can do it.

7. The Negro Must Stop Charging His Failures Up To His 'Color' And To
White People's Attitude.

The truth of the matter is that good service and conduct will make senseless
race prejudice fade like mist before the rising sun. God never intended
that a man's color shall be anything other than a badge of distinction. It
is high time that all races were earning that fact. The Negro must first
QUALIFY for whatever position he wants. Purpose, initiative, ingenuity and
industry are the keys that all men use to get what they want. The Negro
will have to do the same. He must make himself a workman who is too skilled
not to be wanted, and too DEPENDABLE not to be on the job, according to
promise or plan. He will never become a vital factor in industry until he
learns to put into his work the vitalizing force of initiative, skill and
dependability. He has gone 'RIGHTS' mad and 'DUTY' dumb.


8. The Negro Must Overcome His Bad Job Habits.

He must make a brand new reputation for himself in the world of
labor. His bad job habits are absenteeism, funerals to attend, or a little
business to look after. The Negro runs an off and on business. He also has a
bad reputation for co nduct on the job--such as petty quarreling with other
help, incessant loud talking about nothing; loafing, carelessness, due to
lack of job pride; insolence, gum chewing and--too often--liquor drinking.
Just plain bad job habits!

9. He Must Improve His Conduct In Public Places.

Taken as a whole, he is entirely too loud and too ill-mannered. There is
much talk about wiping out racial segregation and also much talk about
achieving integration. Segregation is a physical arrangement by which people
are separated in various services. It is definitely up to the Negro to wipe
out the apparent justification or excuse for segregation. The only effective
way to do it is to clean up and keep clean. By practice, cleanliness will
become a habit and habit becomes character.


10. The Negro Must Learn How To Operate Business For People--Not For Negro
People, Only.

To do business, he will have to remove all typical 'earmarks,'
business principles; measure up to accepted standards and meet stimulating
competition, graciously--in fact, he must learn to welcome competition.

11. The Average So-Called Educated Negro Will Have To Come Down Out Of The
Air. He Is Too Inflated Over Nothing. He Needs An Experience Simila r To
The One That Ezekiel Had--(Ezekiel 3:14-19). And He Must Do What Ezekiel
Did

Otherwise, through indifference, as to the plight of the masses, the Negro,
who thinks that he has escaped, will lose his own soul. It will do all
leaders good to read Hebrews 13:3, and the first Thirty-seven Chapters of
Ezekiel. A race transformation itself through its own leaders and its
sensible 'common people.' A race rises on its own wings, or is held down by
its own weight. True leaders are never 'things apart from the people.' They
are the masses. They simply got to the front ahead of them. Their only
business at the front is to inspire to masses by hard work and noble example
and challenge them to 'Come on!' Dante stated a fact when he said, 'Show the
people the light and they will find the way!' There must arise within the
Negro race a leadership that is not out hunting bargains for itself. A noble
example is found in the men and women of the Negro race, who, in the early
days, laid down their lives for the people. Their invaluable contributions
have not been appraised by the 'latter-day leaders.' In many cases, their
names would never be recorded, among the unsung heroes of the world, but for
the fact that white friends have written them there.

'Lord, God of Hosts, Be with us yet.'


The Negro of today does not realize that, but, for these exhibits
A's, that certainly show the innate possibilities of members of their own
race, white people would not have been moved to make such princely
investments in lives and money, as they have made, for the establishment of
schools and for the on-going of the race.


12. The Negro Must Stop Forgetting His Friends. 'Remember.'




Read Deuteronomy 24:18. Deuteronomy rings the big bell of gratitude.
Why? Because an ingrate is an abomination in the sight of God. God is
constantly telling us that 'I the Lord thy God delivered you'--through human
instrumentalities. The American Negro has had and still has friends--in the
North and in the South. These friends not only pray, speak, write, influence
others, but make unbelievable, unpublished sacrifices and contributions for
the advancement of the race--for their brothers in bonds. The noblest thing
that the Negro can do is to so live and labor that these benefactors will
not have given in vain. The Negro must make his heart warm with gratitude,
his lips sweet with thanks and his heart and mind resolute with purpose to
justify the sacrifices and stand on his feet and go forward--'God is no
respector of persons. In every nation, he that feareth him and worketh
righteousness is' sure to win out. Get to work! That's the answer to
everything that hu rts us. We talk to o much about nothing instead of
redeeming the time by working.

R-E-M-E-M-B-E-R

In spite of race prejudice, America is brim full of opportunities. Go after
them!

The fat girl says, "Uh... derrrr...."

Half a point if you said "Moo," I guess.

According to a study funded by funded by the National Institute on Aging, National Institute of Biomedical Imaging and Bioengineering, National Center for Research Resources, and the American Heart Association,

A new study finds obese people have 8 percent less brain tissue than
normal-weight individuals. Their brains look 16 years older than the brains of
lean individuals, researchers said today... "The brains of obese
people looked 16 years older than the brains of those who were lean, and in
overweight people looked 8 years older," [UCLA professor of neurology Paul]
Thompson said.

(See the article here.)

Now before I start, let me say that I am neither denying that this study is valid, nor am I saying that there is nothing wrong with being at an unhealthy weight. I know that is not true, and although I don't believe the lie that everyone is supposed to be skinny, I do believe that each of us has a healthy weight and we should strive for that. Regardless of if that leaves you wearing a size 6 or 16.

That being said, there are some points that make me believe this study may be flawed. One is the age of the participants. The article says that all participants were over the age of 70. I wonder what the findings would have been had the participants been in their 20s, 30s, 40s... Would the results have been the same, or is it possible that some of the more common causes of dementia and the like in older adults had a hand in the study?

It would also be interesting to know whether or not all of the participants had been smokers, drinkers and/or drug users (prescription or otherwise) at any point in their lives. What effect could these variables have had in the loss of brain tissue? According to various studies, we've been told that drugs and alcohol have a damaging effect on the brain. And from the long list of side effects rattled off at the end of prescription drug commercials-- as well as lawsuits resulting from various illnesses/deaths that have occurred from medicines-- it's not an unreasonable assumption that some medicines can have an adverse effect on the brain. And considering again that these participants were up in age, the chance that they are on at least one sort of medication is pretty high. Was that taken into consideration for this study?

Thirdly, I would like to know whether all of the participants were the same ethnicity. why, you ask? I assume the study used the participants' BMI as the determinant for whether they were obese, overweight, or normal. However, according to this recent article, the Body Mass Index may overestimate obesity in African-Americans. As far as I know, this is still being studied. However, if this is correct and the study used African-Americans in the study as "overweight" or "obese" based on BMI, the results would be skewed. Therefore I think it's important to know the makeup of the group of participants.


As a pretty smart fat girl with no apparent brain impediment, I have to give this new study a skeptical side-eye.

Your thoughts?

Today's Randomness: "Is that a challenge?", Update on the Upgrade and Daddy Issues

"Is that a challenge?"
I've come to realize that I've become a person who likes to prove people wrong. (Ikey Baybee can attest to that, as I prove him wrong on a daily basis LOL) Sometimes I will go to great lengths just to fulfill this compulsive desire to be right and to win. And occasionally I end up doing something good for myself in the process. I was sick of my long boring hair but didn't build up the courage to cut it until I heard this incredibly stupid comment, "You're not gonna be cute without your hair and your boyfriend isn't gonna like you!" *record scratch* WHAAAAT?! Is this second grade? I chopped it soon after that. Now I'm choosing to go natural because people are telling me that either I won't look "right" with natural hair (whatever that means) and that it'll be too hard for me to maintain. So of course that means I gotta do it & have to make sure my lil fro is on point whenever I do the big chop. AND I'm more motivated to get into shape to combat the ridiculous stereotype of all Zetas being fat, black and ugly. (Ugly? Have you seen this face boo? And yes I'm black but I wear my cioccolata amara skin proudly. But fat? Holla at me in a few months...)

Update on The Upgrade
Speaking of making changes, so far The Upgrade is going well! (What upgrade, you say? How dare you not click here and find out what I'm talking about!) Right now I am focusing on two things: organizing and un-cluttering (my space, my mind, my life... lol) and becoming fiscally responsible. I admit that I'm a hoarder and not the neatest person. *hangs head in shame* But even so, I realize that I tend to be calmer and think clearer when there is some form of order and simplicity in my surroundings. The fact that I stay in a relatively crowded, cluttered space can't be good for my psyche, so I'm working to improve that. And as far as the money thing... Well how can I expect to be trusted with a better salary if I can't be a good steward of what I already have? (Yeah, that's Bible; I read occasionally lol) Besides, I can't truly be on my "Grown woman ish" if my bank account looks like I'm still receiving a measly allowance! Not good! lol

Daddy Issues
Something else that's not so good: my relationship with my father. It's no real shock that we aren't close, but I am slightly surprised that it's affected my subconscious the way it has. Over the last several years, I've had a recurring dream, but only recently realized that it was the same dream with changes in minor details. The main elements are always the same: My mom, dad & I are at our old house (the one I grew up in as a kid). Something random and minute sets my dad off and he and I get into it. During our argument, he turns his anger towards my mom as she tries to mediate. We usually get in each others' face, sometimes actually throwing blows. I always warn my mom that she needs to get out and leave him while she can, that she doesn't need to be with him. She never listens. I always wake up as he raises his hand to hit her. I don't know what the hell these dreams mean or why I keep having them. As much as I can't stand my father, he's never been physically abusive, so why would I dream that? I had the dream again last night and woke up in tears. I really don't even know who to talk to about it.


Okay, I think that's enough random rambling from me tonight. I need some rest. Deuces.

The BET Buyback Project

*Note: This is not something that I've actually put into motion... yet. I don't even know if it would be possible, but if someone knew how to get the ball rolling, I'd definitely be down. For now, though, it's wishful thinking.*

Over the years, I've heard various comments concerning the state of BET. Comments of disgust, disappointment and frustration over the fact that an entity that claims to represent an entire segment of people would do so in such a poor fashion. I've read articles, blog posts, message boards, etc. that reflect many Black people are just tired of the overwhelmingly negative images that are being portrayed. (Need proof? How bout this. Or this. Or try this, this, or this for starters.)

So this past Sunday I got to thinking: what if a group of young black people who were tired of what BET has become decided to do something about it? What if we (whoever and however many people "we" would entail) pooled our money, time, talents and resources to buy BET back from Viacom? What if we decided to make it "ours" again, revitalize and rebrand it to show the world that there is more to African-Americans than the limited, stereotypical characters that they are used to seeing. After all, other media outlets show enough of that.

Now, being that I am not a television exec, nor have I studied the television industry or researched it, I couldn't tell you how we would go about this or how it would be structured once "we" bought it back. But I do know what Tori D. would like to see on the new and improved BET: (BTW, I know you liked the rhyme I threw in there!)

• Playing a wide variety of music that reflects our diverse culture while "pressuring" (for lack of a better word right now) artists to create more positive/non-degrading music
• another Teen Summit-like show where teens & young adults are given creative freedom & control
• shows that highlight successful Black people without being fake or pretentious (I'm looking at you, Harlem Heights)
• more highlights of our history, beyond slavery all the way up to today's history-makers
• (if they just must be included) preachers who are actually concerned with spreading the gospel and reaching out to people, not hawking their goods to make a quick buck
• quality original movies (use the channel as a platform for producers, writers, actors, etc. who may get shut out of traditional Hollywood studios. besides, how many times can you show Baby Boy every month? sheesh!)
• a decent awards show
• regular dialog on the state of Black America, race relations, etc.
• a news program that highlighted current events and economic/financial matters
• a focus on healthy living and health issues that disproportionately affect Blacks
• community involvement and promoting viewers to get involved
• programming designed to help build the character, intellect and self-esteem of our youth

Maybe all this sounds old & boring to current BET fans. However, there is a way to be entertaining without being ignorant or --dare I say-- coonish. Shouldn't BET portray us as we really are?

What do you all think, am I crazy? Do you think something like that would not only be possible, but successful? If not this, what do we do? Or do we just let BET sink lower and lower with no intervention?

Quarter Life Crisis: Take Two

I think I'm ready to talk about it now. When I tried previously, it basically just came out as this random, frustrated jumble of a temper tantrum. I think I'm able to do a little better now.

I have three main issues that are f'in with my head right now. They are actually all kinda related in a way, so I have a feeling that once I resolve one, the others will work themselves out.

Issue #1: I still do not know what I want to do with my life.
I am getting my MBA, should be finished next December. Why I'm getting it, I'm not entirely sure, except for the fact that I was told once I get it I'll be able to get more money if I continue working for the state. (However, that has been suspended until God knows when due to this lackluster economy, so I have to ask again, why am I doing this?) Thing is, I don't plan on working for the state for long. I never planned to. So now what? My professor from last semester put the PhD but in my ear. Do I pursue that? Do I really want to be in academia? Do I want to do research? (Hell no.) I'd love the breaks that would come with being a professor and assuming I got hired by a pretty good school, I'm sure I'd love the salary that goes along with it as well. But is that me? About as me as sitting in that cramped, windowless cubicle at my current job I guess. And what about real estate? I'm still interested in that, but... I'm hesitant. What if I suck at it? I already know that I'm not the greatest salesperson if I'm just trying to push something on a person, but maybe it would be different with real estate since buyers usually have some idea about what they want. But what if it's not different? What if I really just don't have what it takes? Or what if I start that and then realize that I hate it? Then what? There's only so much starting over one can do, right?

I'll let you in on something. My baby is making moves. He knows what he wants to do and is getting his ish together. Every time we talk he's talking about it. He's excited. He's following his passion. And I'm very happy for him... But I'll be honest, I am a bit jealous. (Don't judge me!) It makes the stark contrast of me not knowing what the hell I'm doing even more of an issue to me...

The other thing about what he's doing: if he's successful (which I'm sure/hopeful he will be) he'll be in VA indefinitely. So
Issue #2: I don't know how long this long distance relationship is going to be long distance.
We had a plan. A plan that essentially stuck me in MS for several more years while under the impression that he would be moving somewhere a bit closer and soon our LDR would be a medium-distance relationship, or maybe just a regular damn relationship. I stuck to my end of the deal and stayed my ass in MS at this job and in this MBA program when I really wanted to just pack up and go somewhere. Now it looks like I may have just trapped myself here alone. Like I said, I'm happy he's doing his thing, but now it's like, where does that leave me, and us? After almost two years I am still not feeling this whole "see you when i can" thing. I don't like seeing him a total of MAYBE two weeks out of the year. I hate not being able to really be there for him and have him be here for me like I want. I need something definitive to look forward to and I don't have that. If love had a purgatory, this would have to be it.

Although my friends and family have always said "Don't go running after a man," I still want to pick up and move. Just sell the little bit of stuff I've got and go. Find a place up there and look for a job once I get there. One problem though.
Issue #3: I don't make enough money.
Not enough to pick up and go. Not enough to get out of my parents' house and into my own spot. Not enough to pay bills and still have enough money to eat by the end of the month. Ever heard that term "broke as a joke?" HARDY-FREAKIN-HAR BABY!! I've just gotten to the point where I could save a little bit of money about two months ago. Second month of saving: had to dig into the savings account. So how am I gonna pick up and go across country when I can't even go across town? I have been applying to some better paying jobs around here. So far, no callbacks. Today I applied for a position at my current job. Not the increase I was looking for. Still not sure if I'd be able to afford an apartment, utilities, car note & other bills if I took it, but a little increase is better than nothing I guess. Here's hoping that something comes through...

I just feel like if I could get something going on just one end maybe the other puzzle pieces will fall into place. I've been praying for direction, but either I don't speak God or God don't speak to me, cuz so far I got nothin'. Trying to remain patient though, because I don't want to make the wrong move. However, I keep thinking of this quote:

"Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice."

So am I cautious or am I cowardly?


IDK, I just need this QLC to be over quickly... I'd hate to have it spill over into my MLC :-/