Quote of the Day

Okay, today's quote of the day is hilarious to me! It's from one of my cousins & it's about yours truly. Last night my whole fam (all of my cousins that are on facebook) had a complete convo on one cousin's status about who would be next to get married. (Shout out to cuzzo Derrick for putting a ring on it!) My twin cousin put me out there saying I'd probably be next. (Hardy-har-har...) Then her brother chimed in with this:

I don't know. I think Tori's a pimp. I don't see her getting married anytime
soon. She's got some pimp bones in her body. "Keep your heart, T-Mac. Keep your
heart!" -JB

Now this probably doesn't mean jack shyt to anyone else but iRolled reading that! So for putting a smile on my face on a Monday (especially after the kinda messed up stuff that happened last night) my big cuz gets the honor of being immortalized in my Quote of the Day!

poem with no title

i'm in love with the past
a figment of a man that couldn't last
despite my desire.
he said he'd always be there
but he wasn't.
he changed.
his personality morphed
while i counted on him staying the same.
he was still growing up,
and the man that he grew into,
well i didn't know him.
and the man that he was
i still can't let go of him.
my present no longer fits
the plans we made for the future...

i started on this poem a few weeks ago & got stuck here. it seems like it's not complete, but i guess it is. since i never could figure out how to express the rest of what i was feeling, i guess the poem was meant to end here.

Previouscats or Learning from the past?

Okay, sooo lately I've been noticing some things ("little" things, some would say) that my current whatever-he-is-since-he-doesn't-have-a-title does that are a lot like the trifling sh*t my ex started doing near the end of our relationship. Not necessarily make-or-break things since I don't know the full story behind what's fueling it, but things that have definitely made me perk my ears up and go "Hmmmmm."

Now I hate to be the stereotypical woman who carries over baggage from one relationship to another. I don't say "All men are alike" because I know for a fact that that's just not true. I know these are two totally different guys, different personalities and characters. In some ways they are similar, but in most they are nothing alike... But am I wrong to see certain things as red flags since they've occurred before?

At what point does one go from simply learning from past mistakes and experiences to dealing with a "previouscats" situation? Is it when I start to ask questions about what's going on? When I simply start to compare the incidences? When I say "I know you're doing blah blah blah, because you did/said/went blah blah blah..."? I have so many questions that I want to ask based on the "little" things that he's doing because when I look back on those "little things" in the past, I see that they should have been blaring warning signs.

So is there a difference? Or is it simply a matter of "tomato, to-mah-to"?

ETA: So I went over to dreammoods.com to see if there was anything I could find about why my ex has been popping up in my dreams lately. This came up and I found it to be interesting considering this post:

Ex To dream about your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or that you and
your ex got back together again, suggests that something or someone in your
current life that is bringing out similar feelings you felt during the
relationship with your ex. The dream may be a way of alerting you to the same or
similar behavior in a current relationship. What you learn from that previous
relationship may need to be applied to the present one so that you do no repeat
the same mistake. Alternatively, past lovers often highlight the positive
experiences you had with that person. It could also signify aspects of yourself
that you have x'd out or neglected.

Randomness... because I have nothing better to do...

I found a new shoe from my first love, BCBG, that made me drool. It's such a simple shoe, but I'm absolutely ga-ga over it! BCBG Altero. I guess it appeals to the side of me that wants something basic but still has a bit of the wow factor. Nevermind that the shoe is made almost identical to the royal blue Kostys that I currently own. These will be mine before the end of the month!

Since we are quickly approaching Christmas, I guess I will share my fav holiday song with you...

(boo at not being able to find the original)

Anyway, I've decided there should be some kinda composite character to represent my mood... A cross between Scrooge & The Grinch... The Scrinch? Grooge? No, Grooge sounds like something icky... The Scrinch it is... Now if only I could figure out Photoshop (don't judge me!)

I found this pic a few months ago while looking up something for this blog, but for some reason never posted it. I think it pretty much sums up the quarterlife for me...

Doing Me

A couple days ago I was looking for little quotes to tweet to others & to get myself motivated for the day. I ran across something that has been stuck in my head:

“I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your
expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and
I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it
can't be helped.”(Gestalt prayer) -Frederick Perls

I think too often we concern ourselves with others opinions, to the point where we sometimes neglect our true selves in order to not garner any unwanted attention. Why do people treat others like they have two heads or something simply because the next person's actions or lifestyle differ from theirs? Isn't variety supposed to be the spice of life and all that jazz? If there is no one way of living, it really shouldn't bother me if someone else does or thinks things that I don't particularly agree with, as long as it doesn't adversely affect me.

Lately I have come to realize that I cannot be truly happy if I'm not free to be myself. I don't know if it's growing up or the newly developed attitude of "just don't give a f**k" but I'm at the point where I'd rather let my thoughts and opinions be known instead of sitting in the background going along with others or just complying with things because "that's how it's always been done" or "that's what I was taught." I figure I can do things my way and any of three things could happen:

1. The people around me can agree with what I'm doing and possibly evaluate whether they are actually living the way they want to


2. People can agree with what I'm doing but continue to do things according to the status quo


3. People can have issues with what I'm doing, I say "f**k 'em" and continue to do me
   

I'm prepared to deal with either of those possibilities. Makes me no difference. What I say, do, think and feel is solely a reflection of Tori D. Anyone who doesn't like it is free to do them...

I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule
of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence. -Frederick Douglass

The Mood I'm In...

I'm talking to the boo-friend (I really dunno what to call him on here just yet; he doesn't have a title, and I kinda like it that way... but til then I guess it's boo-friend) and he's got me on an old Faith Evans tip... Soooo here ya go.