Today's Randomness: Pressing Questions

Since I don't have anything in particular to write about today, I figured I'd just ask some questions that have been rattling around in my mind for a while. Pure randomness.

1. My clothes still fit the same and the scale still reads the same, but people have been saying I look like I'm losing weight. How can this be? (Certainly not complaining, by the way, just really curious.)

2. If I were to get hired for one of these out of state jobs, how would i make the move? The little plan I have in mind now is to sell as much stuff as possible, then pack up the essentials on a u-haul and head out. I'd get a cheap room to stay in (if staying with family/phamily isn't an option) & live off cheap food (hey I was a college student once; I can make Ramen noodles freakin gourmet!). Then w/ the first check, I get an apartment; second check, furniture. Good plan? What are the flaws?


3. To go natural, or not to go natural? I've been debating on this for a while. I really really want what I consider to be the coupe de gras (did I spell that right?) of natural hair: a fro. Like this one. Yeah I know it's just a drawing and my hair may not actually look like that if I go natural, but that's what I want! So should I go for it, or stay with the creamy crack?



4. What am I doing with my life? What do I plan on doing once I get my MBA? I definitely don't need a master's to be an assistant. Should I go on and pursue real estate? And if I do that, how do I even go about balancing that and my "regular" job until that becomes a stable, reliable source of income?

5. Where should I be focusing my job search: Richmond VA, Dallas TX, Atlanta GA, or Memphis TN? I really really wanna move to VA, but I see so many more opportunities in Dallas. What to do?

6. Is 7 days too long for a cruise? I'll be taking my 1st one next year for my birthday, and a lot of people seem to think that's too long. Really? The shorter trips don't have as many stops and don't go to the places I want. I'm sticking with the cruise I found, but still... Is that a long time?

7. What would you do if your friend's fiance was texting or calling you making inappropriate comments? Would you tell your friend? What if you weren't sure if the fiance was actually hitting on you or was joking but didn't know the line? What would be your steps to take?

Aight, I'm done with the randomness for now. Til next time!

From the People: Has the Civil Rights agenda been completed?

I've decided to try something a little different. Since I am trying to get back into the habit of writing consistently but face writers block quite often, I've requested input from my tweeple as far as what topics to write about.

Tonight's topic is from my lovely Soror @BlueDeucex2 who writes:

@KittyPurrfecta Do you think that the civil rights agenda has been completed now that we have a black man as president? If not, what's next?

Loaded first topic (and I'm really no politico), but I'm always up for a challenge!

First, we have to determine just what exactly the Civil Rights agenda was. While I am not aware of an official list of goals for the Civil Rights Movement, I do know that it was a fight for desegregation and equality in all aspects of life. While we do have these things mandated by law today as well as a black man as POTUS, I do not believe the civil rights agenda has truly been completed.

Let's look at some of the facts. Blacks make up about half of the population of all of the US prisons, while only comprising 13% of the total population. Of those in jail, the majority are in jail on drug charges, even though studies have shown that whites are more likely to do drugs than blacks. On top of that, police have even admitted to targeting black and minority areas, especially when enforcing drug laws.
http://ronmull.tripod.com/racism.html

As far as education, black are graduating from high school at a sad rate of only 50%. Out of those that go on to college, even less--only approximately 43%--graduate. And while we all know that a college education does not guarantee success financially or career-wise, a lack of a degree could be a setback in many areas and possibly a barrier to advancement.
http://www.parapundit.com/archives/001959.html
http://www.jbhe.com/preview/winter07preview.html

Add to these the facts that:
* segregation and discrimination are still happening, even where there is no written policy to do so
* blacks and minorities still economic disadvantages in disproportionate numbers to whites
* blacks are still less likely to receive a fair trial or fair treatment by the criminal justice system

We see that there is still much work that needs to be done by way of the civil rights agenda. Yes, the nomination and election of the nation's first black president is a MAJOR step forward. However, this in no way means "we have arrived."

So what's next? Well, if it were up to me, I'd make the next step a two-fold move.
First, we need to turn inward and help ourselves. Let folks know what their rights are and how to recognize when those rights are being violated. Stress the importance of education versus the criminal lifestyle. Assist black entrepreneurs with starting, growing and effectively running a business. Support black businesses. Encourage those in our communities to vote not only in presidential elections, but those that affect us most: mayor, governor, senators, etc.
Secondly, we need to actively defend against any show of discrimination or act of prejudice. There should be devoted watch dog groups to ensure that the court system treats black defendants in the same manner as white defendants and to help victims of discrimination seek justice. (Of course, one could say that's what the NAACP is for, but that's another argument for another night; I just don't have it in me right now...)


Now, let the discussion begin!!

So what do YOU want me to talk about? Let me know! Just hit me up on Twitter (www.twitter.com/KittyPurrfecta) or email me (go to my profile and hit the link).

Tori D. on being the sidepiece

*i know this post is a bit ramble-y. Forgive me. I have a lot on my mind but wanted to get this out quickly*

The recent murder of Steve "Air" McNair and his mistress made me reflect on my less-than-admirable time spent dealing with men who were already in committed relationships. Yes, for a time, I played the other woman role frequently. The speculation that maybe her boyfriend killed them, or that it was possibly his wife, brought back memories that I have actively tried to forget. Memories of confrontations that were embarrassing, unsavory and some down-right scary. I realized that I have unnecessarily put myself in situations that could've easily been avoided by respecting the boundaries of other people's relationships. Now at the time, I couldn't care less about all of that. I was selfish and immature, and what did I care if the guy I wanted was engaged or married or whatever? I had to have him. Although I made it through that phase physically unscathed, it did fuck with my head as far as trust and relationships and the karma that is bound to come back on me. But for the grace of God, I could've ended up in a ditch somewhere. I've definitely been threatened, and it's not as if I don't understand where that anger was coming from... I've said all of that to say this. It is truly not worth it. No one should subject themselves to playing to side role. If he's married, whether he is pursuing you or not, keep it moving! It is seriously not a game out here; people will hurt you for disrespecting their relationships. If you're the one that's married/in a serious, committed relationship, don't even start down that path with another woman/man. Even if you think it won't amount to anything but new sex, it will affect you in ways that you may not even see until later on down the road. Either way, it's seriously not worth it. I wish I'd listened to this shit before I did it, but since I was stupid enough to do it hopefully I can redeem myself somewhat my warning others who may follow. In the words of my friend @NoNamesJustLo in her tweet after the McNair murder: "Yall better leave that boyfriend #2/side chick stuff alone! People get hurt over that. you wanna multitask get two jobs!"

Random related thoughts from an old Myspace blog:

I know a lot of people say that a woman who would settle for being "the other woman" must have low self-esteem. I've knowingly been the other woman a couple of times, but I never thought there was an esteem issue at hand. I didn't think "oh i don't deserve my own man," or "i'm not good enough to have someone so i'll just settle for this." Instead it was always, "i see something i want. i think i'll take it." Trifling? Yes, it was. But that was my mentality then. However, even though the self-esteem thing wasn't as blatant as I was making it out to be, maybe it still played a factor. I've always had a huge fear of rejection, so at least with being the other woman there was no real commitment, save one particular relationship.

Even though I acted like i wasn't affected by being a sideline ho, i was. I could always bring up the positive points, but its not like i couldn't see all the pitfalls staring me in the face. This was especially true at night, when i couldn't talk to the guys like i wanted to, or be out with them because they were with someone else. Finally it got to the point that i realized it wasn't worth it. I've finally grown up and realized that i take center stage, and if a guy thinks i'm just second best, he clearly doesn't know what caliber of princess he's dealing with. It's been a long time coming, and it came with a lot of heartache, headaches, frustration and tears.

What Happens to a Dream Deferred?

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

-Langston Hughes

I posed this question to myself today. I was looking at the middle aged folks working in different department stores and restaurants today, and I wondered where did they plan on being at this stage in their lives? When they were younger, what did they picture themselves doing, and do they still hold that dream somewhere? Maybe the dream was deferred, or altogether died, and this was their stopping point. Maybe they, like me, had yet to discover their dream. After all, how can you pursue a passion when you are passionless?

Of course, I'm in no way belittling their jobs or their lives. Everyone has a role somewhere. I know everyone can't be stars; everyone can't be rich and famous. Without anyone to do the seemingly inconsequential jobs, our lives wouldn't be as comfortable or convenient as they are, so I am certainly thankful. I just wonder what my fate will be if I never get the chance--or never find the courage--to pursue my own dreams. Am I destined to be confined to a desk, surviving and perhaps even excelling but not doing what truly makes me happy? Or will I be one of those lucky ones who finds a purpose, finds a passion, and dares to go after those dreams before they dry up like a raisin in the sun.

Update: "A Mile in My Shoes..."

We are just a little over halfway to the submission deadline for A Mile in My Shoes... And Her Shoes Too. So far I have a grand total of.... ONE submission. (Thanks Taqwaa, you're the best!)

But that's okay!

Of course I know people drag their feet, especially if it's something that really isn't "theirs" or "not that important" to them. Some who said they would help probably won't. Maybe they don't think it's worth the time, or doubt that I'm serious about this little pet project of mine. Maybe they just really think the idea is stupid and don't want to be bothered, even though they lauded it as a great idea.

And that's fine.

In fact, really it's fine if that's the only submission I get. That just means it'll be time to show and prove that I can indeed create my own shine! True, I will have to work a bit harder and it may take a little longer to get the book done, but it WILL be done. I already have several pieces that I'm working on for the book. (Side note: I don't know why, but whenever I do something like this I start on several different parts at once instead of completing one portion and then moving on to the next. I assume it's because I can't focus on one thing for too long.)

Moral of the story: this book will be published. And it will be fabulous. And you will wish you'd gotten in on it. LOL If I get more submission, that would be lovely. (If you're interested, submissions can be sent to shoechic09@yahoo.com) But if not, that's good as well. The show must go on.

Besides, I'm Tori D.!

Unshakable

Unstoppable

Un-fuck-wit-able!

Shoe Porn Pt. II: Kitten Heels

Yes, you read that correctly: kitten heels.

So here is the deal. I'm a pretty tall girl (or at least I consider myself kinda tall even though I'm just 5'7"). Boofriend, however, is not the 6'2" tall drink of water that I imagined I'd be with. Since I don't want to tower over him the way I do in my usual 3.5-5" heels, but can't deal with flats, kitten heels are the next best thing.

DID YOU KNOW
A kitten heel is a short, slender heel, usually from 3.5 centimeters (1.5 inches) to 5 centimeters (2 inches) high with a slight curve setting the heel in from the edge of the shoe. The style was popularized by Audrey Hepburn.

Now I know some of you are like, "Kitten heels? No ma'am!" But I've found some very cayute little kitten heels to make you reconsider. Once again, my taste has gotten the best of me. Champagne taste + box wine budget (a step above beer) = an unhappy Tori D. But that's okay! For now I will have to be content with just looking...


Miss Sixty
"Fef"
Retail value: $159.00 (but at the time of this blog, they are available on 6pm.com for $78.20. They only had sizes 8 & 9 though; no good for my 10/11 boats.)
When I see these shoes, I think: PARTY. Seriously, New Year's Eve, got ya little slinky silver dress on, a pair of statement earrings, and these gawgeous little things. Simple can say so much sometimes!




Jimmy Choo
"Quote"
Retail value: $595.00 (but they are available on Bluefly.com for a steal at only $476.00!)
I picture these as the "serious business" shoe. These, a black suit with a pencil skirt and a colorful button-down. Oh yes, when I grow up, these shoes will be a part of my arsenal.




Lanvin
"Kitten Heel Sandals"
Retail value: $665.00
These were my favorite pair out of all that I've seen so far. I was so heartbroken when I saw the price and couldn't find not ONE discount anywhere! I had my heart set on these, but my pocket is not cooperating. Oh well... One day my pretties!


DID YOU KNOW
They are classified as stiletto heels and despite their lack of height are generally classified as 'high heels' because of their sex appeal; particularly when teamed with a sharp pointed toe.

Weitzman
"Class Act"
Retail price: $345.00 (found on Zappos.com at $276.00)
One look at these and you should know their ideal place: on the foot of a bride on her big day! It's elegant and fashion-forward but still appears to be comfortable. Much better than the trend I've been noticing lately: glammed-up flip-flops. Dios mio.

Hollywould
"Washington"
Retail price: $394.95 ($217.22 at endless.com)
For some reason, this particular shoe gives me "teacher." IDK. Anyway, it's such a cute little shoe! I could definitely see myself slipping into these for a lunch meeting with a client.

Hollywould
"Edita"
Retail price: $349.94 (on endless.com: $192.47)
Another business beauty from Hollywould. (And another I can't afford until I'm seriously IN BUSINESS.) One word for this one: Interviews.

DID YOU KNOW
They were introduced in the late 1950s as formal fashion attire for young adolescent teenage girls as higher heels would have been considered unseemly for girls as young as 13 because of the sexual connotations and unease of walk.

Robert Clergerie
"Pilate"
Retail price: $819.00 (Depending on what color you prefer, you can get them for $371.87-black, $385.00-cafe, or $463.28-gray)
I don't have words to tell how much I love these! I'm already a boot fanatic (even though I rarely get to wear them here in Mississippi). When I do get to don a nice pair, they usually have an incredibly high heel. That's fine for when I'll be sitting the majority of the time. However, do a little walking and I'm ready to run out of them. These are what's missing from my life! (Or at least, my wardrobe) Seeing these ensures that I will have a second job to feed my shoe habit.

Irregular Choice
"Treacle"
Retail price: $129.95 (Amazon.com has them for $45.48)
DAMMIT TO BLOODY HELL!! The first affordable pair I find (and in royal blue, no less!) and they don't have my size! Hmmm, if I cut off my toes, I could possibly squeeze into the 9.5 after my feel healed... LOL Just jokes y'all! I know it's definitely not that serious. But these are beautiful to me! They give me a ballet vibe.

Irregular Choice
"Countess"
Retail price: $114.95 (The listing I saw for it on endless.com says $63.22 - $98.55)
Okay, seriously, how could you not find this cute? This is seriously throwback to the little Mary Janes worn in elementary school. But it's the little twists that make shoes like this a must-have for me: the unique angles of the cut, the diagonal strap, the squat round heel. Though not my idea of "sexy" they definitely have an edge to them that only a sexy someone like myself could pull off. (Unfortunately, the curse of Bigfoot strikes again... Where is that saw?!)

Irregular Choice
"Hermia"
Retail price: I couldn't even find one. Every site I tried was sold out. :( All I have are the pictures and lustful dreams of these shoes.
"ANOTHER pair of Irregular Choice?" you ask. Yes!! Don't act like you don't like it! LOL But for real, every time I look for something else I see another pair of Irregular Choice that makes me gasp a little more than the pair before. And although they seem to shun women with a little more to love down there *takes a look at my long, somewhat flat feet* I still think they're freakin awesome. And oh yes, you will be seeing more of them soon.