Quick Vent

At first I decided that I would not get too personal on here. With the exception of this post and very few others in the future, I probably won't. But I'm upset and need to vent.

Tonight my father gave me the "No one will ever love you enough to not cheat on you" speech. Not the first time I've received such loving encouraging words from him either. (That was sarcasm, by the way) I try really hard not to let the BS he spews get to me, but stuff like that does. Like, in what remote section of his brain does he think that that's an acceptable thing to say to someone? And to say that to your own daughter, REALLY?!

And it's true, I've had some really fucked up relationships in the past, and a lot of them did involve infidelity. However, how could I have a positive relationship when I had a fucked up male figure in my life? The one that's supposed to help shape me and build me was and is constantly trying to break me down. And when I go against what I know and finally found someone who is great for me, I still feel impaired because I've internalized this garbage from my father without even knowing it.

Anyway, I know that I need to cut him out of my life for good. He brings nothing but negativity in my life and I'll be damned if I spend my entire adult life suffering through the same things I've been through as a child. Fuck that.

A Mile in My Shoes... And Her Shoes, Too

This is a re-post of a note I wrote on Facebook. It's concerning a project that I am getting underway. I've gotten a lot of positive feedback on the idea and some folks seem to be as excited as I am about it! But of course I could always use more. More details on this coming very soon!

Anyone that knows me knows there are two things I will spend my last dollar on: books and shoes. Well now I want to combine my love of the two by producing a book about the wonderful world of shoes. *grin* But I need your help!

In order to make this a success, I am asking for contributions from my friends and yall's friends too! Submit pix of your favorite shoes, shoes you would buy if you could afford them, quotes about shoes, a short paragraph on what makes a hot shoe in your opinion, ANYTHING shoe related! Heels, flip flops, ballet slippers, cleats, whatever YOUR style is, share it!

Please note: I could not tag everyone, but your contribution is welcome as well! AND guys, you can get your girlfriend/wife/sister/mother/aunt/grandma involved too! I want to include a wide spectrum of women in this book, so age and race are not important.

I will be posting some guidelines and suggestions soon.

First I wanted to get a general idea of who would be interested in participating in this project. I'm also open to suggestions, as this is my first time undergoing something like this. Thanks in advance to everyone who will make this publication a success!!

Who Knew?!

http://www.modernminority.com/index.php/2009/04/26/who-knew-black-female-navy-admiral-thwarts-pirates/

While we were so focused on the captain of the U.S. cargo ship that was rescued from the Somali pirates, our attention was diverted from the very person that lead the charge to get him back to his family.

The Navy Times ran a story on Rear Admiral Michelle Howard who took command of the Navy’s counterpiracy task force only three days before the pirates attacked the U.S. cargo ship Maersk Alabama and snagged the captain as a hostage.
The U.S. Navy hadn’t seen this type of action in a very long time and piracy hasn’t been something the Navy has had to counter attack in over 100 years. Howard’s expertise and illustrious Navy career showed her to be the perfect person for this mission. She is the first female graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy to be promoted to Rear Admiral.

In the article, she said, ““Right now, the policy is, fight piracy, and I am all about that policy … We are quite capable of staying out here and doing this mission.”

Source: eurthisnthat.com

Repost from Myspace

Since apparently I cannot import my blog from Myspace, I'll be reposting some of those when I feel the need to add something but really have nothing to day. Tonight is one of those nights, so here ya go!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Ten Things Your Mother Should Have Told You Current mood: content Category: Life Written by: Dana Orr 10. BE SELECTIVE IN FRIENDSHIPS. .. Friendship is not charity, it's a give-and-take relationship. Your friends should be people you love, admire and respect. Don't be afraid to expand, or change your circle of friends. As you get older, you may head in a different direction than those you once considered your 'best friends forever'. As you evolve and mature, you may grow apart from friends who no longer fulfill you - it's ok! Hold this person in your heart, but be true to yourself when devoting time, energy and emotion to anyone you seriously consider a 'friend'. 9. RE-INVENT YOURSELF WHEN NECESSARY. .. Self-reinvention is a way to constantly reflect and assess your goals and priorities in your personal, academic and professional life. The concept of self-reinvention allows you to reconsider your lifestyle and, at any given moment, change a particular course of action. The beauty of this process is that you don't have to beat yourself up about behaviour you consider undesirable. You should actually feel great that you have enough sense to realize the error of your ways (whatever they may be), and can spontaneously commit to change. Congratulations - you just solved a problem! 8. PROTECT YOURSELF. .. HIV/AIDS is the 1 killer of black women ages 19-27 in America . You are not corny or lame if you insist on an HIV test before having sex with someone. In fact, you're stupid to give up responsibility for your health and put your life in someone else's hands. Please DO NOT FALL FOR the age-old trick: 'Look at me - what am I supposed to do now?!' All men masturbate. Politely tell your partner that he should focus on 'self- love' until you're certain that he deserves to enter your temple. 7. JEALOUSY IS A WASTED EMOTION. .. People who love themselves and recognize their worth are unable to be jealous of others. Why? You should be so preoccupied with loving yourself and changing what you don't like, you have no time to worry about what others are doing. Being jealous of someone is a waste of energy. You cannot control other people and the choices they make, or the luck they have. Weak people let other's circumstances affect their self-love and/or self-worth. Resist the temptation to be envious, as it will get you nowhere. If anything, let other people motivate you to achieve certain goals for yourself. 6. CARRY YOURSELF LIKE A LADY. .. Embrace that which makes you a woman, and by all means, take advantage of the privileges that we have. Force men around you to treat you with the respect they would their mother, aunt or sister. Insist that your doors be opened for you, order your food first in a restaurant, and sit in the front seat if you are the only female in the car. There is nothing wrong with being 'pleasantly demanding'. Along with the privilege of womanhood comes a certain responsibility. Being a true 'lady' means you exhibit manners that would make your grandmother proud, your clothes are tasteful and appropriate for your age, and your hair and nails are always clean. These little things make a big difference in n how you are viewed by outsiders, and the quality of men that you attract. 5. KEEP UP WITH CURRENT EVENTS. .. Staying in touch with what's going on in the world is very important. Not only is it important to be aware of national and global issues, it makes you a lot more interesting to others because you always have something to talk about. It doesn't take much to watch the news, read the newspaper online, or buy an issue of TIME magazine or Newsweek. Don't forget - parents and teachers are a great source of information on current events, and would love to have a conversation with you about something 'serious'. 4. Travel. .. Do you have a passport? If not, get one. Before you are saddled with the responsibilities of a job and a family, take advantage of your freedom and travel. Instead of buying a new outfit, buy a plane ticket. See other parts of the world and observe other cultures. More importantly, have fun! Plan a trip with a friend to a social event in another city, a beach on an island, or a city in a foreign country. Capture your memories with photos or in a diary (or a blog). You will cherish them forever. 3. Be Proud To Be Black. .. Black culture and heritage is based on strength, perseverance, and rich talents. You should have an overwhelming sense of cultural pride - as black people, we are so very special. Don't EVER feel as if you aren't equal to another person simply because you're black. If you have any question as to the importance of black people to our society, or how smart, beautiful, talented, funny and fascinating we are, start reading. Watch old movies. Read plays. Go see plays. Buy tickets for dance and musical performances. Seek opportunities to study academic topics involving, or related to, black people. Talk to your relatives that lived through some of the historical events you've heard about. Get on the Internet and study people with whom you're familiar. Keep in mind, black pride doesn't mean exclusion of others. It is most impressive when you seek to educate other cultures about the beauty and greatness of being black. 2. Have a Cause. .. As long as you're here, it is your duty as a human being to help make the world a better place. Let your natural talents and passion lead you to an issue that keeps your attention, and to which you can commit your time and money. Get involved with groups that already exist. If your particular cause is new or unique, start your own group and make your friends join. Helping others is an easy way to feel good about yourself, and invest in the future of your community. 1. Love Yourself. .. This is 1 and most important, yet challenging, mission to accomplish. Self-love is critical to survival at any age, and may be quite a personal journey. Loving yourself means recognizing, developing and honouring a sense of self-worth. Loving yourself means you have zero tolerance for anyone or anything that doesn't love you and respect you. Loving yourself also means you must treat yourself well, simply because no one else will do it for you. 10:14 PM

Quote of the Day

"Its never too late to be what you might have been." -George Eliot.

This is what I tell others; now I'm trying to make myself believe it!

What I Learned from My "Seven Habits.." Training

Gosh, that sounds so elementary! lol

Yesterday and today, instead of going to work, I was in a mandatory seminar on the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. I was pleasantly surprised as to how much insight was provided in those couple of hours. Of course I've heard of the book, but never bothered to read it because I assumed it was about time management or something along those lines. And although I could probably use help in that area, that really wasn't something I was actively trying to improve. So, I ignored it.

Fortunately, it was not about that. Instead, it was more about developing attitudes that facilitate success. But really, the main things that affected me were related, but didn't actually fall under the 7 habits teaching.

1. Getting out of our comfort zone. Jan, our trainer, was talking about how we chose how our day will be because we chose our reactions to the things that happen to/around us. She went on to talk about people who hate their jobs but stay there because they "have to" when, in actuality, they do have other options that they just refuse to take. She said that a lot of times people stay in a comfort zone (which is really quite miserable, not comfortable) because they know what to expect. Whereas, if they step outside of that into the unknown, they could be rewarded, but fear keeps them paralyzed. When I heard this, I was like "Wooow, this is exactly what I've been dealing with!" I thought, "Maybe I should just continue to work towards my MBA, even though I don't want to do anything related to business, since I got my Bachelor's in Business and I've already started by this path." But really that is fear talking. Fear that I may never figure out what I truly want to do, or that I may try it and either not be successful or not be as happy as I thought I would be.

2. Change your paradigm. I love the quote that she used (this course was full of wonderful quotes, which I love): "We do not see the world as it is, but rather we see the world as we are." Basically we relate to the world by our own experiences, so no two people will ever see things exactly the same because we have not shared the exact same experiences. So it pays to open up and be willing to see things from a different perspective in order to be successful in this life, and especially in relationships.

3. The five love languages. This is a different book that was mentioned in her teaching about interdependence. She was talking about personal relationships and how we relate to our loved ones when she brought this up. The five love languages basically talk about how different people interpret things as "love" or "I love you." Where one person just needs to hear it, another needs gifts to prove it. Another person needs physical touch to confirm that. Another person wants to be shown love by spending time together, and a different person by little things like helping around the house or washing the car. It was so interesting because even though we haven't done the little assessment, I could pretty much tell the categories in which my boyfriend and I fell. It was like a lightbulb: So that's why he...! Very insightful stuff.

There was actually a lot more that stood out to me from this training. Overall, I am glad that I had to attend. It gave me a lot to think about and pointed out a lot I need to work on. Hopefully this will be the start of some lasting improvements; time will tell.